● Kristen Stewart has been named the new face of Balenciaga's newest perfume because, as the house's head designer Nicolas Ghesquière says, "she shares the radical spirit of Balenciaga." By which he surely means to say, perma-pout or not, at least she's vampire-blooded and sparkle-skinned now. [E!]

●Pippa Middleton's bridesmaid dress can now be yours for only $3,100. The perfect butt is, however, not included. [People]

Baby mama Mariah Yeater has wisely dropped her paternity suit against Justin Bieber, who has said he would be happy to take a paternity test, and to then sue Yeater for defomation, just for goood measure.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the baddest bitch of them all? Apparently, it's Charlize Theron (sorry, Trina), who is already stealing the show in Snow White and the Huntsman as the Evil Queen. The film already looks like a visual masterpiece, and it seemingly comes out of left field (probably from the same place where its unknown director, Rupert Sanders, has been hiding). But the crux of this clip is Theron, who is center stage despite being the only main character who's not name-checked in the title. Check out the trailer after the jump.

● Connie Britton (Tami Taylor) says that a Friday Night Lights movie is "happening for realsies." They've got a producer and someone to write the script. "It's really just a matter of ... getting everyone's busy schedules aligned and making it happen," Britton told Us Weekly.[Us] ● Willow Smith got a verse from Nicki Minaj for her latest single, "Fireball." New colors will need to be invented before they can make the music video. [NahRight] ● In a sad, slurred, and often unintelligible tape played for jurors yesterday, Michael Jackson makes clear the pain he felt for his lost childhood, and the children he befriended. "I love them. I love them because I didn't have a childhood," he mumbles. "I feel their pain. I feel their hurt." [NYDN]

● Incredibly level-headed young exes Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner shared a nice evening together at the Teen Choice Awards. Reportedly, the two "were laughing and having nonstop fun." Swallowed pride works every time. [NYDN] ● Arnold Schwarzenegger went out for a bike ride in an unfortunate t-shirt that read "I SURVIVED MARIA" on the front, and had the dates "1977-2010" -- the years they dated -- on the back. Oops! [TMZ] ● Eldest Palin child Track and his wife Britta welcomed their first child, Kayla Grace, in Wasilla, AK over the weekend. [People]

● With rumors of an ecstasy, cocaine, and ketamine cocktail, it's perhaps a comfort to hear that Amy Winehouse -- who died Saturday at the age of 27 -- expired in her own bed after telling a friend she needed sleep. [TMZ] ● Kim Kardashian ditched her own party to crash her fiance's Las Vegas bachelor party, cameras in tow, of course. [PageSix/Us] ● Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler have called off their engagement, ending their just ten-month relationship. Kristin is "in shock that the dream wedding she was planning is going to end this way." [People]

● Robert Pattinson ditched Kristen Stewart at the MTV Movie Awards' podium to land a big kiss on Taylor Lautner. Eclipse took home nearly half the night's awards. [Gakwer] ● Speaking of which: a trailer for Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 -- the one where Bella and Edward, after several movies of stilted, emotional foreplay, uh, well, you know... It was a good night for all the Twi-hards out there. [HuffPost] ● Don't be mad about the half-dead models in Kanye's "Monster" video. "It is an art piece and it shall be taken as such," quoth West. [KanyeWest]

● Kate Middleton's Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen dress was laced with shamrocks and roses, the Queen looked sweet in yellow, and everybody thought maid of honor Pipa looked hot -- maybe too hot? William looked sharp and Harry forewent brushing his hair, but that's his thing, right? The sun shone down on the cavalry, fun hats abounded, and everybody got their lines right. Done! [Official Royal Wedding 2011/NYM/YouTube] ● January Jones is pregnant. But is the new Duchess of Cambridge? I'm afraid January has been upstaged. [People] ● Kristen Stewart, on the other hand, "could fucking get pregnant tomorrow." [EW]

● This is awkward: Bill Clinton has "romantic" and "fascinating" memories of the old Times Square and all it's hookers. [NYT] ● We know that Lindsay Lohan has her sights set on playing a Gotti, but is she actually in with the mob in real life? She has "family connections," claims Page Six, citing the time her father spent in jail with Gambino family boss John Gotti. [Page Six] ● It's reassuring that there are corners of the world that remain Bieber-fever free, like the offices of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who canceled his visit with the teen god, saying simply, "it has not proved feasible." [NYDN]