BlackBook

● Justin Timberlake reportedly had a weekend of "amazing sex" with Daily Show correspondent and Playboy girl Olivia Munn while dating Jessica Biel, who should've learned about these bad boys from her time on 7th Heaven. [US Weekly] ● Speaking of The Daily Show, Barack Obama appeared last night for a gentle ribbing from Jon Stewart, who called the president's legislative process "timid." Olivia Munn stayed away for fear of Michelle. [CNN] ● Charlie Sheen texted (texted!) a gossip reporter to call his cocaine-fueled hotel freak-out "overblown." Get it? [Radar]

● Taylor Swift and the too-old Jake Gyllenhaal were seen eating brunch in Brooklyn after attending a Saturday Night Live taping on what sounds like a hell of a date. [People] ● Sean Penn's model girlfriend Jessica White was arrested for repeatedly hitting a woman in a fight over a taxi. A girl after Penn's own heart! [Page Six] ● Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are allegedly expecting a baby boy, who, upon being born, will miraculously be older than his father. [Hollybaby]

● It turns out a cast full of women and Jews and other decent humans don't want to work with Mel Gibson, even in a cameo role. The embattled racist, misogynist actor has been barred from appearing in The Hangover 2. [TMZ] ● And the bad news keeps coming for Mr. Gibson, as his ex-girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva, has been involved intimately with her bodyguard, who is now writing a tell-all book that no one will read, but many will excerpt on the internet. [TMZ] ● Jennifer Lopez's two-year-old twins are "spokesbabies" for Gucci. Good start! [Us Weekly]

● Mel Gibson will appear briefly as a tattoo artist in The Hangover 2, serving essentially the same purpose as Mike Tyson in the first film. That is, both are America's favorite substance-abusing criminals with a lovable misogynist streak. [Page Six] ● Tiger Woods' divorce settlement to ex-wife Elin Nordegren is now being reported as $110 million, which will now be known as the Price of Shame. [Radar] ● Carey Mulligan and Shia LaBeouf's relationship has definitely passed its sell-by date, and is at that point where you're like, "Wait, is this milk good or not?" Don't drink the milk, Carey. [Page Six]

● Katy Perry's boobs practically suffocated Elmo, leading her Sesame St. video to be banned from TV. The clip is still available online, where many boys will become men. [TMZ] ● Meanwhile, Perry's boyfriend, Russel Brand, is still under investigation for a run-in with a photographer who allegedly tried to shoot up Katy's skirt. Big Bird, who tried to cop a feel, is still on the loose. [E! Online] ● Emma Stone and Mia Wasikowska are being considered to play Spider-Man's love interests, Mary-Jane and Gwen Stacy, in the upcoming Andrew Garfield version. [EW]

● In the manslaughter trial of Dr. Conrad Murray, Michael Jackson's children Prince and Paris will testify about their father's drug use as witnesses for the defense, because their lives haven't been scarring enough already. [Radar] ● Paris Hilton was detained at an airport in Japan as they pondered whether to let her into the country after pleading guilty to drug charges in Las Vegas. Hint: don't. [HuffPo] ● The Breakfast Club reunion, twenty-five years later, is a clinic on aging and maybe not being as cool as you used to be. [People]

● Joining Bristol Palin on Dancing With the Stars is Dirty Dancing’s Jennifer Grey, Audrina Patridge of The Hills, the original Mama Brady, Margaret Cho, and The Situation. The other contestants matter even less. [Vulture] ● Over 75% of Americans say that Mel Gibson's crazy racist and misogynist outbursts, readily available on the internet, would "not effect" whether they would see his films, as Roman Polanski and Woody Allen high-five. [THR] ● If Madonna and Lady Gaga are going to team up, so too are Cher and Christina Aguilera, leaving Britney Spears and Liza Minella to make a go of it. [Celebuzz]

● Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, the body of Jersey Shore, is on track to make about $5 million in 2010 alone, a figure sure to be employed by disaffected youth down the eastern seaboard. "But, Mom! I'm going to be like Mike." [THR] ● Taylor Lautner's RV was not up to par, so the Twilight actor is suing for "emotional distress." Whoever promised him the trailer would include both Taylor Swift and Kristen Stewart was doomed from the start. [Vulture] ● 22-year-old Jimena Navarrete of Mexico was crowned Miss Universe 2010. Better luck next year, Betty White. [AP]

● Professional famous person and part-time singer Tila Tequila was assaulted while on stage over the weekend at the Gathering of the Juggalos -- a music festival founded by Insane Clown Posse -- pelted with rocks and allegedly, feces. Then she flashed them and it got worse. [E! Online] ● Katy Perry crashed a high school prom in Australia when she heard the infectious strains of her hit single "California Gurls." [Radar] ● The actress Zsa Zsa Gabor, 93, is in serious condition following surgery and was read her last rites on Sunday morning. [AP]

● Katy Perry, not to be outdone by perennial rival Taylor Swift, brings us her own album news in the form of the cover art for her upcoming record Teenage Dreams. In our version, however, there are no clouds. [Huffington Post] ● Yep, the best soccer player in the world has a gorgeous girlfriend (and likes to wear undies to the beach). [TMZ] ● Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger made a funny when he compared the oil spill to Mel Gibson. Too soon, on both counts. [AP]