● Orlando Bloom is just pretty enough to propose marriage to the stunning Miranda Kerr. The couple will alternate days in the bathroom. [People] ● Helen Mirren appears topless in the new issue of New York magazine, courtesy of photographer Juergen Teller, making most cougars look like house cats. [HuffPo] ● Carrot Top was hospitalized for career paralysis. [Perez Hilton]

● It’s on, it’s off, it’s on, and it’s off again ... Sam Ronson broke up with Lindsay Lohan via text message, prompted by a dinner with Ronson’s friend Nicole Richie. [E!] ● If you see an ad with Barbara Walters hawking anti-aging pills, don’t believe it; Exilatrol is using Bab’s photo to promote their pills unbeknownst to Walters. [TMZ] ● Kim Kardashian gave Heidi Montag the "final OK" for posing nude in Playboy; Kardashian told her the magazine is “very classy and artsy.” [US]

● Cate Blanchett is set to replace Sienna Miller, who was deemed too thin and young, as Maid Marian in the upcoming Ridley Scott/Russell Crowe feature Nottingham. [Telegraph] ● On a related note, Blanchett refuses to work with Brad Pitt anymore because he is too loved by Angelina Jolie and frankly it’s "disgusting!" [DigitalSpy] ● Those who are fortunate enough to show their collections at Fashion Week give us a little preview, with a one-word description of their upcoming Fall show. [NYMag]

● Seth Meyers puts this whole Michael Phelps bong-gate into perspective. [SNL] ● Shepard Fairey, the man behind Obama’s "Hope" poster, has been arrested on tagging charges on the way to his first solo exhibit in Boston. It’s hard to keep a low profile as a guerrilla graffiti artist when your work is in the National Portrait Gallery. [LAT] ● In what is totally not a staged photo-op, Christian Bale shows he’s not "done" with his daughter. [JustJared]

In case you didn't want to believe it before, Michael Phelps has finally proved that he too, is human. Not by losing a race or by spraining a quad. In fact, all it took was a bong, a hit, and a camera. That Michael Phelps smokes weed shouldn't be a surprise to anyone who already knew that he's a stripper-groping, drunk-driving, sideways hat-wearing, d-bag. Not to mention that he consumes 10,000 calories a day, which for anyone who's not always stoned is completely impossible.

● Rumor has it that Si Newhouse is in Paris having final talks with Carine Roitfeld to take over American Vogue. Looks like Wintour's life is taking a page from The Devil Wears Prada. If true, wouldn't that be life imitating art, imitating life. [Gawker] ● Liked Carrie Bradshaw's Vivienne Westwood wedding dress from the Sex and the City movie? Well, Gabriella Risatti is making knock-offs -- I mean, "reproductions" -- of the dress today and tomorrow for $15,000. [NYP] ● Just in time for your recessional Christmas, Louis Vuitton is paying homage to Stephen Sprouse by releasing a limited edition of his highly successful graffiti collection. [WWD]

My junior year at the University of Michigan, I lived in one of those artsy dorms bursting with wannabe intelligentsia -- a veritable cavalcade of tiny little Regina Spektor and Kurt Cobain lookalikes. But even the imminent arrival of a certain gold medal-winning merman was buzzworthy enough to pry them away -- if temporarily -- from whatever cause of the week they were advocating. And now that Michael Phelps has more than minted his status as a legendary Olympian, reality show entrepreneur Ashton Kutcher wants a piece of Phelps' financial tailfin.

Michael "Gilly" Phelps may want to keep to the pool. While nobody questions his swimming talents or his taste in ladies, his choice of fashion is another matter. Guest of a Guest produces this unnerving photo of Phelps spotted last night at Beijing hotspot China Doll sporting a shirt that looked as if he upchucked a banana daiquiri all over his front. His bemedaled look didn't turn out much better, however.

Recent rumors swirling around Michael Phelps dating life have finally been addressed by the Alltime Olympian himself, sort of. In an interview with Extra, Phelps insisted he is not dating swimmer Amanda Beard. "I think she has a boyfriend," he told interviewer Dayna Devon. Why didn't you grill him about Lily Donaldson, Dayna?! Michael belongs to the public now, and we demand to know! An athlete dating another athlete is drab and unimaginative, but an athlete and a supermodel? Hysteria.

Sure, Michael Phelps' eight gold medals at these Olympic Games are impressive, but there's a greater reward for his inhuman success than eight glorified gold coins (though perhaps you still need help dressing yourself.) When you become a superstar athlete, you earn the right to date models, right, Tom Brady? Now that he's a household name, let whispers of Phelpsian romantic exploits begin. The average looking all-American boy has apparently landed superhot supermodel Lily Donaldson, best known for replacing Kate Moss as the face of Burberry.