● Hell hath no fury like Kitson scorned. The painfully hip Los Angeles store is wielding their retail power over Lindsay Lohan after she demanded $15,000 worth of free clothing for being such a "good customer." The store is deeply “offended” and owners are thinking of dropping Lohan's leggings line. [FoxNews] ● Katy Perry’s parents don’t have much faith for her relationship with Russell Brand in the long run. Her father has said, "I have met Russell, I'm not thinking he's the guy who will be her husband, but he's a nice guy." [MrPaparazzi] ● Rihanna may or may not want her next boyfriend to be good in bed and have a sizeable "umbrella" of his own, but she certainly didn’t say that during an interview with German magazine Bravo. [GossipCop]

I already knew Miley Cyrus and I had a lot in common: a love of hot pants, pole dancing. But not until her recent oh-no-she-didn’t interview with Ohio radio station Q92 did I realize we were sisters from another mister. Smiley hates Twilight, too! Our reasoning is a tad divergent. Cyrus says she doesn’t “believe in [Twilight]. I don’t like vampires ... I don’t want anything to do with it. I don’t like the shirts, any of it.” Perhaps church-girl Miley is aware God hates fangs, but, really, jealous, much? I, on the other hand, am fine with vampires. Bill Compton can suck my blood any time. If True Blood’s Bon Temps, Louisiana, actually existed, I would be at Fangtasia like every night. Yet even the hair gel-loving vamps on the CW’s Vampire Diaries are about forty shades darker and more complex than Twi’s limp fish Edward Cullen. Who we know is a ruthless bloodsucker because his skin glitters in the sun. Come on. Inside me is still an awesome 13-year-old girl, and she is insulted.

This had to have been the best week, like, ever for the hordes of Robert Pattinson fans out there. His New Moon media blitz is climaxing with the movie's release at midnight tonight, and Pattinson is just everywhere. The Internet should rename itself the Robertpattinsonet. Only blind people and luddites haven't seen him nervously run his fingers through that perfect hair like only he can. So how is Pattinson -- who is famously allergic to his own fame -- coping with all the, um, fame? We've scrutinized, analyzed, judged, and fawned over three of Pattinson's recent talk show appearances -- The Late Show with David Letterman, The Today Show, and Live with Regis and Kelly -- to see how the actor handles himself on camera when he's not working off a mediocre script.

The first batch of Twilight: New Moon reviews have cut straight to the heart of what makes the series such a phenomenon with teens: It's the new Nirvana! In the early 90s, a lost generation of mopey teens attached their pubescent anxieties onto a gravelly voiced drug addict, rendering him so much larger than life that he eventually burst. The same thing is happening two decades later with the Twilight franchise, except that drug addict is now embodied by a self-conscious alcoholic who is equally uneasy with his fame. Of the six New Moon reviews on the net so far, four of them mention "angst" at least once, a word that perhaps best defines Nirvana's most expressed (and expressive) emotion. Following that same angsty logic, Twilight is also the new Kierkegaard, Kafka, Heidegger, Salinger, and Sartre.

Squealing tweens, teens, and moms are packing the theaters this week for the premiere of the second installation of the Twilight series, New Moon. And just like that, a cottage industry has sprung up around all things Twilight. Nordstrom has even gotten in on the hubbub with Edward, Jacob, and Bella bangles, and Team Edward/Team Jacob tees. The biggest winner of all the Twilight hysteria, however, is the sleepy state of Washington, as it is where all the action takes place in the books. The tourism board has fully drunk the Cullen Kool-Aid and has launched a section on the official site of Washington State dedicated to enticing Twilight-inspired visitors.

● Levi Johnston doesn’t show his johnson in Playgirl, according to a spokesman for the site. How can we ever trust him again? [NYDailyNews] ● Is Amy Winehouse going the way of Courtney Love? No, not with drugs, rather with plastic surgery. After getting a boob job, Wino is considering a nose job, as going under the knife has become her new obsession. [DigitalSpy] ● Are Nicole Richie and Joel Madden really married? She didn’t correct her lawyer in court when he referred to Madden as her husband. [People]

If you're Anna Kendrick, you've got to be pretty excited right about now. Your second tour of duty in the Twilight franchise is coming out in a week, and you get to enjoy everything that comes with being involved in a phenomenon without the terrible scrutiny faced by its two leads. But more importantly, your role in George Clooney's next movie is receiving unilateral praise, and the film itself, Up in the Air, is already being called one of the year's best. And for the capper, there's a good chance that come winter, at the age of 24, you'll have your first Oscar nomination. You're no longer just the girl whose face was licked by Robert Pattinson. Here 's the budding star on her proximity to the supernovae that are Robert and Kristen, that infamous photo, and the sneaking suspicion that things are about to change.

While good news for the cast of Eclipse includes the end of filming, the comparatively horrible news for the core cast (basically R-Patz and K-Stew) includes news of New Moon's all-American mall tour! Yippee! On your way to Hot Topic or Lane Bryant (because R-Patz fans largely frequently only one of those two establishments and nowhere else, especially since the demise of record shops), you can high-five K-Stew, get hair-curling tips from R-Patz, and abuse the other cast members with who we're not (and never ever will be) on a first-letter-dash-abbreviated-last-name basis.

Edward Cullen's brother deals with monkey business