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Ah, Cannes. The films, the celebrities, the red carpets, the ... incredible effort and expense of getting there. If you really add up the numbers, it might not be worth the fuel needed to power your superyacht into the harbor. And is Cannes the only place in the world where you can sip rosé and dine on artichoke tartes in the company of tipsy Eurpeans? It is not. You can do just that in the city of New York's Meatpacking District, because Brasserie Beaumarchais is serving a Cannes-themed dinner series for the duration of the festival across the pond (Wednesday, May 15 - Thursday, May 23) for the completely reasonable price of $65. That's dollars, not euros. 

The Veils - otherwise known as That Indie Rock Band From London Who Shamelessly Performs Like Their Possessed – hit NYC last night, performing a slew of new songs at the very hush-hush Rose Bar Sessions – Rose Bar's secret show inside the Gramercy Park Hotel for a hand-picked 100 people who are generally very good-looking, successful, entrepreneurial, and artistic. Brandy was there (photo evidence here.) 

Charlemagne, a porn-shop-turned-French-brasserie in the West Village, does a suckling pig dish that reminds me of an old tale. My cousin Robert, who went “vegetarian” a few years ago at his girlfriend’s behest, treated himself the other week to a suckling pig at the Breslin when his lady left town. Out it came in all its porcine glory, with the bowls of sauces and the apple in its mouth. A few bites in, who showed up but his girlfriend’s roommate, who’d eat her tote bag to avoid meat. “Robert!” she gasped, “what in the world?” Robert dropped his silverware. “Can you believe this?” he replied. “I order an apple and look how they serve it!”

Meet Sugar Factory: Meatpacking's new brasserie/explosive dessert spot where 36oz bubbling cocktail chalices full of lollipops and gummi worms land on the table, and hot fudge-drenched, submarine-sized, red velvet sundaes take up the width of your lap. It's the classy, marble-bar-chandelier American brasserie that refuses to grow up. Meatpacking's first and only outrageous dessert palace where the entire dinner kitchen is open until 4am all weekend long.

Do you drink cider? I'd be lying if I said I was a big cider enthusiast. I have quaffed a few that I enjoyed very much, but tend to order drinks that are dry rather than sweet, and most of the ciders I've tasted have been quite sweet. Enter Stella Artois Cidre, a new, dry, European-style cider from the brewers of the world's most popular Belgian beer. They're doing it because, well, it makes business sense--the alcoholic cider category is growing at a rate of 110%, which is kind of crazy. But they're also doing it because they're good at these things. I got my hands on some Stella Artois Cidre and tasted it this past weekend, and found it crisp, flavorful, refreshing, and--most importantly--not too sweet.

Between gelato carts and waiter statuettes jutting out into the sidewalks, Little Italy is hardly subtle when it comes to self-promotion. But 180 Neapolitan Eatery, a new pizzeria on Hester Street, lacks a proper front door, let alone a sign. A scuzzy glass door leads to a generic elevator, and on the second floor, a little dining room stares down at pizzaiolo Salvatore Olivella’s thousand-degree wood-burning oven. There are some flowers in the windows. Otherwise, it’s all about the pizza.

You know those chili-mayo-and-cilantro-soaked banh mi sandwiches - full of glazed pork belly, coconut tiger shrimp, and spiced honey pork – tucked into crunchy, baked baguettes? The ones from Num Pang, that packed Cambodian spot off Union Square, Madison Square, and Grand Central? Well today marks the opening of its fourth location in what is basically NYC's Asian-Vegan-Seafood-Italian culinary Epcot known as Chelsea Market. And as you can see from the photo, not only does Num Pang "welcome friends & fam" with a very loving, chalk-written welcome sign, but Num Pang's opening has already been sniffed out by tons of NYers who know a good Asian sandwich when they taste it, and tourists who know a good buzz when they see it.

I probably daydream about rich-guy stuff a little more than is healthy. The sports cars, the mega yachts, the penthouse apartments with a frickin' slide. By my moral calculus, I deserve it all. But there's one accoutrement of wealth that rises above all others: the ability to fly private. Sure, you can point the Eclipse toward St. Barths, but that'll take forever if you're starting out in New York, and time is money. If you've got a jet at your disposal, you have truly achieved freedom. Wake up and decide where you want to go, then go there as quickly as possible, avoiding all the hassles and indignities of commercial air travel. There's simply nothing more luxurious than flying private, it's the ultimate indulgence, enjoyed by an air-kissing slice of the 1% while the rest of us pile our shoes and belts into a plastic bin at LaGuardia and regret not stuffing that $12 bottle of sunscreen into the checked bag. But now, thanks to a company called JetSuite, private air travel is finally available to middle class people with regular jobs in the publishing and service industries and okay that's a huge lie. It's still expensive, and you, gentle reader, still can't afford it. But you're getting closer. A lot closer. You can't afford it, but your friend with a slightly better job probably can, and maybe he'll take you along on a trip to thank you for turning him on to this innovative new aviation company.

Nobody said dating in New York—let alone online dating—would be easy. In fact I think there are probably a couple billion words floating around the Internet on that exact topic. But surely putting out a Craigslist ad for an “Online Dating Surrogate” won’t help. Or will it? (Answer: still no.)

FRIDAY: Rock & LoHo At Downtown Music Festival
The Lower East Side’s music cup runneth over as Downtown Records brings a second year of the Downtown Music Festival. The venues are a greatest-hits package of below-Houston spots. Mercury Lounge hosts Teengirl Fantasy, Cake Shop has Beach Fossils and Trash Talk, and nine different acts will take the stage at Tammany Hall. Even swank event space Capitale is in on the groove, hosting L.A.’s Black Hippy. The spaces are all intimate, so get your tickets quick.