Two weeks ago I had a religious experience. A higher power -- probably Angelina Jolie -- spared my life by incarcerating me while I was supposed to be forgetting my own name in Jamaica with Thrillist on their Jet Mystery trip. Since that life-changing experience, I've sworn off alcohol, I don't go out anymore, and I only do hard drugs if they're not cut with anything. I've kidnapped two inner-city children and plan on giving them the kind of life I never had. I was trying to make the world a better place, for everyone. And then Thrillist e-mailed me. It was an invite to the Jet Mystery reunion party, and it was on a yacht. And the booze was gratis. What was I going to do, decline?