GOP hopeful Heman Cain suspended his campaign today and is launching "plan B"  (insert your own birth control joke if you choose) of his public career. Whether you think his role in the primaries was an elborate piece of performance art meant to expose the crumbling system or the real and true salvation of America, most will agree that the clip below of Tim Meadows impersonating him in a 1980's sexual harrasement campaign is funny.  It's a timely update to the Ladies Man. 

Dear God. Deadline Hollywood is reporting that a Rush Limbaugh biopic is in the works, courtesy of writer/producer James Sclafani and based on Paul Colford’s unauthorized biography, The Rush Limbaugh Story: Talent on Loan from God. Sclafani’s script is, by his own account, not unlike Oliver Stone’s W. in that it tries to unpack the man’s (many?) demons. “This is Citizen Kane meets Private Parts,” he’s said, “where you have a man who always had trouble relating to people in the outside world, but does it effortlessly in the booth.” I’m not sure that I buy the Citizen Kane angle, but I am curious about who might get tapped to play the role. My best guesses after the jump.

Breaking News! Politico is reporting that former Vice President Al Gore and his wife of 40 years, professional photographer Tipper Gore, are separating. In an email obtained by Politico, the Gores wrote, “This is very much a mutual and mutually supportive decision that we have made together following a process of long and careful consideration. We ask for respect for our privacy and that of our family, and we do not intend to comment further.” There is no word yet on precisely what prompted the separation, but BlackBook has obtained an exclusive photo of Al Gore's alleged mistress. Check it out after the break.

It’s common knowledge that Alec Baldwin leans hard to the left when it comes to politics. He’s never been shy about airing his opinions, and in a recent interview he even suggested that he may soon forego acting altogether in favor of some other line of work, viz.—elected office. But not all of the Baldwin brood shares Alec’s liberal inclinations. In fact, brother Stephen is an arch conservative who’s found a niche in talk radio (to say nothing of his countless reality tv appearances). He turned up yesterday at the annual CPAC conference, where he was charged with organizing the next generation of the Republican party faithful. He also managed to put his foot squarely in his mouth during an interview with ABC. Video after the jump.

Yesterday, much of the Western world was rocked by three distinct events: (1) Apple's announcement of a poorly-named e-book reader; (2) the POTUS' SOTU; and (3) the cancellation of long-suffering dramedy Ugly Betty. The last two may be more intertwined than you'd expect: Ugly Betty's demise was almost foretold with Obama's election.

So! Someone posted the above picture to the infamous internet community 4chan, known for its members' awesomely insane (or terrifying, depending on how you choose to see it) hijinks and pranksterism, saying that they had a tough day at work. This was followed up by someone else posting that the photo’s EXIF ("exchangeable image file format") data, which includes GPS coordinates. And those GPS coordinates? They point right to the White House. Is there any chance it's real?

Forgive this post. I get picked on for writing about Scarlett Johansson too much. I get distracted because I think about her too much. And a while back, I almost got arrested for following her too much. Er, that was a joke (or was it?). But when the object of my obsession is in personal e-mail correspondence with future Time Magazine "Person of the Year" Barack Obama (he may not win the Presidency, but he’s guaranteed that honor), how is that not news? ScarJo revealed to Politico that she e-mailed Obama after some of his televised debates to congratulate him. But she—apparently oblivious to her own allure—is astonished that the senator maintains their back-and-forth. “You’d imagine that someone like the senator who is constantly traveling and constantly ‘on’—how can he return these personal e-mails?” she asks. “But he does, and in his off-time I know he also calls people who have donated the minimum to thank them. Nobody sees it, nobody talks about it, but it’s incredible. I feel like I’m supporting someone, and having a personal dialogue with them, and it’s amazing.” Big deal, he probably has an iPhone or Blackberry. Someone should tell her that!

We’ve managed to: get seven-minute abs, spend seven minutes in heaven, run a seven-minute half-mile, watch the first seven minutes of countless movies, count to 420, watch one segment of "24," read one page of Being and Nothingness, and write this post. But never did we think that in seven minutes we’d get a complete rundown of the neverending story that is the Democratic race for the Presidential nomination. Never, until now.