Steven Spielberg, Terrence Malick and Marin Scorsese all made lauded films in 2011, but their Oscar buzz has been stolen by a brave performer that delivered the year’s most tear-jerking sink defecation moment. Unless something goes terribly wrong -- always a possibility when it comes to the Oscars -- Melissa McCarthy is a lock to earn a Best Supporting Actress nod for her work in Bridesmaids, and Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo also have a reasonable shot at Best Original Screenplay. To which we say “great, and go ahead and give Wiig a Best Actress nomination while you’re at it, Academy.” Both actresses did commanding work that gave Bridesmaids a solid, emotional core to stack hilarious profane jokes on, and helped turn the movie from a fun summer comedy into a cultural phenomenon.

● Gwenyth Paltrow gets that life is long and eyes will wander. "If death by virus was a punishment for extra-marital affairs, there would only be three dudes left in this world right now," she said. [Daily Telegraph] ● Reese Witherspoon was rushed to the hospital yesterday after being struck by a car being driven by an 84-year-old woman. [KTLA] ● Joe Jonas got high at a fancy Soho club with a blogger's friend and now everybody knows and hardly anybody cares. It's tough out there for a former Disney Star. [XOJane]

● Yesterday T.I. was released from jail early, but then they sent him back after he showed up at the half-way house in a luxury bus. Apparently that's not allowed. [NYDN] ● Taylor Swift and Reese Witherspoon got lunch together in L.A. so that they could talk about how Jake Gyllenhaal, their shared ex, is so "vain." [Us] ● Whole Foods thinks that Real Housewife Bethenny Frankel's SkinnyGirl Margaritas are toxic and are pulling the product from their shelves. [NYP]

Reese Witherspoon had some choice words for today's young starlets at last night's MTV Movie Awards, while accepting her Generation Award. In Reese Witherspoon's day, no one would ever be caught dead letting nude photos be taken or starring in a sex tape. But my, how times have changed.

Reese Witherspoon and Rob Pattinson make their co-starring debut in Water For Elephants this month, and it seems like the duo’s time on set together was as eventful as whatever actually happens in the film. Using a series of interview sound bites courtesy of Reese, we were able to outline the evolution of their blossoming relationship, which, oddly enough, began when Pattinson was cast to play Reese’s son in 2004’s Vanity Fair.

● In a one-on-one in the April issue of Interview, Paris Hilton talks with Lil Wayne and finds that the two have more in common than just music and Miami: They've also both spent time in solitary confinement. "Oh, so you know how it is," says Wayne. "Yeah, I know how it is," says Paris. [Interview] ● Notoriously sweet-toothed William and his princess-to-be Kate have finally settled on their wedding cake! They've decided on, uh, fruitcake. [People] ● Reese Witherspoon and Jim Toth tied the knot at their ranch in Ojai on Saturday, surrounded by all their closest friends: Toby Maguire, Robert Downey Jr., Renee Zellweger, Sean Penn, Scarlett Johansson, Selma Hayek, Colin Hanks, Conan O'Brien, Sacha Baron Cohen, Isla Fisher, Alyssa Milano... [Us]

● Hugh Hefner just laid around "like a dead fish" during sex, according to the memoir of a former Playmate, who also alleges that Hef's old number one, Holly Madison, had the dirtiest job of all. [Daily Mail] ● David Beckham swears under oath that he did not have sex with Irma Nici, a prostitute, who claims it happened five times in total. If he's lying, Becks is in big trouble. [TMZ] ● Marc Anthony owes $3.4 million in back taxes, meaning he needs his career back or to be really nice to Jennifer Lopez. [Radar]

● The socialite Lydia Hearst is all set to star in Dogs in Pocketbooks, based on "a spoiled brat prone to alcohol and cocaine binges, reckless driving, failed rehab attempts, career-ending partying and ruthless hangers-on" -- a.k.a. Lindsay Lohan's life -- though the real Mommy Dina is threatening to sue. [TMZ] ● Justin Timberlake received Harvard University's Hasty Pudding Theatricals Man of the Year award, which is not -- believe it or not -- the same as an Oscar. [Popeater] ● Reese Witherspoon is engaged to Jim Toth, while Jake Gyllenhaal and Ryan Phillippe high-five and are like, "Haha, who?" [Us Weekly]

Variety is reporting that Reese Witherspoon is set to both produce and star in a biopic of the legendary jazz singer Peggy Lee. It’s a wonder no one’s jumped on this already. Over the course of a seven-decade recording career, Lee’s influence on the American song-scape was profound, featuring an unrivaled string of hits—“Is that All There Is?”, “Why Don’t You Do Right?”, and her signature song, “Fever”—that remain popular to this day. Less celebrated, but no less noteworthy, is Lee’s film career. The sometimes-actress had turns in a handful of films, two of which are bona fide classics. Her best screen moments after the jump.

● What’s the greatest thing about being divorced? Reese Witherspoon says it’s being able to go to more concerts with BF Jake Gyllenhaal. [JustJared] ● LaToya Jackson believes someone paid Conrad Murray to kill Michael Jackson because of the wealth they stood to gain in doing so; she now fears she’ll be killed for this knowledge. [Celebrity-Gossip] ● Sienna Miller wishes she could be like pal Keira Knightley, who has managed to keep her personal life out of the press. Miller admits not being too “bright” in that department. [Showbizspy]