Most celebrity feuds are pretty boring to follow. Someone Tweets something rude, someone Tweets something back, they bicker and snipe through statements given to E! until reconciling on a giant pile of money. But when comedians go at each other? They don't kid around. On his show, David Letterman made fun of Rosie O'Donnell's recent engagement, cracking, "The woman she is marrying, her fiance, was driving and her car broke down. And guess what happened? Rosie pulls up right behind her in her tow truck.” In response, Rosie didn't whine about the unfairness or the double standard or what have you, though she could have. She simply used her talk show to get even.

● Rosie O'Donnell announced yesterday on her show that she is engaged to her girlfriend since September, Michelle Rounds, and that the two will say "I Do" in front of their families this Christmas. [LAT]

As we all know by now, Chris "Angrypants" Brown trashed his dressing room at Good Morning America and smashed a chair through a window after he was asked about that time when he beat up Rihanna. Rosie O'Donnell totally understands. "Part of me wanted to take a chair and throw it through the window at The View after all that happened," she said on her satellite radio show. But you didn't, Rosie. He did.

● Mary-Kate Olsen says she "would never wish my upbringing on anyone," calling herself and sister Ashley "little monkey performers." You got it, dude! [HuffPo] ● Heidi Montag, who recently filed for divorce, is now spending time watching old episodes of The Hills, tweeting at her ex-friends, and doubtlessly drying her tears with dollar bills. [TV Watch] ● Both Jennifer Aniston and Julie Roberts are channeling Barbra Streisand in new magazine photoshoots, leading many to wonder, "Who wore it better?" and just about everyone to wonder, "Why?" [Celebuzz]

Back in November, former Queen of Nice Rosie O'Donnell announced that her partner Kelli Carpenter had moved out of their home two years earlier. This past Tuesday, O'Donnell was photographed canoodling with a women in Miami Beach, who has now been identified as Tracy Kachtick-Anders, a Texas-based artist with six kids, five of whom are adopted. According to the Huffington Post, the Dina Lohan lookalike is "an activist for LBGT adoptive rights, and she founded the non-profit Open Arms Campaign, which helps recruit foster and adoptive families." Meanwhile, over at Rosie.com's Ask Ro column, filled with reader questions and O'Donnell ciphers, Maggie writes, "so u screwed Kel and got all u wanted. This one will also walk, once she gets what she wants. LOOK in the mirror, u r UGLY!!! She only wantts money, maybe u should find someone ugly who will like u" Rosie's response: "r u available maggie?" But not so fast, potential Rosie paramours, because The View's former firestarter has her sights set on Tracy for the time being. In an attempt to get to know Ro's new gal pal, let's examine a few of her scary paintings, on view here, after the jump ("Anus" is to the left).

With the "R" in her LTR set to splinter off and drop out entirely for Rosie O'Donnell, perhaps there's no time like the present to go on the record about close calls and missed encounters. O'Donnell, known most famously for portraying Betty Rubble in the 1994 film adaptation of The Flintstones, has already hinted at trouble brewing between her and partner Kelli Carpenter. And while no one's driven the final stake through their love, O'Donnell's already started shooting her mouth off about a sweet, tender, steamy love that once almost was. With Angelina Jolie no less. It's a tale as old as time itself, but evergreen like pines in the Great North. It's the traditional tale of the fat girl waiting by the punch bowl at the prom for the sexy mom of six to float over to her and initiate the first dance.

At the opening of Hair on Broadway, March 31:

● Has hell frozen over? Star Jones and Rosie O’Donell will be hosting a charity luncheon together. They can bond over the food. [US] ● Zooey Deschanel says the constant Katy Perry comparisons are getting "a little annoying," cause the only thing they have in common are blunt bangs. [MTV] ● Kate Moss says although she’s not with child, she’s been pregnant for the last two years if tabloids were to be believed. [DigitalSpy]