As we emerge from the blur that was the closing weekend of Art Basel Miami, we can now reflect on the ragers that kept us going until the wee hours. And while most of the soirées we attened were on our must list, there were definitely a few unexpected stops along the way. Read on for the highlights.

● Rob thinks Keeping Up With the Kardashians has given him an undeservedly bad rap. "I'm sick of all that and I'm trying to branch away from all that," he says of the show that made him rich and famous. [People] ● Beyoncé is working on a maternity collection for her House of Dereon line so that all pregnant women can feel as "edgy and sexy" as she does, which is great, because rumor has it that inflatable baby bumps will be all the rage next season. [People] ● Austin Powers actor Joseph Hyungmin Son, who is currently serving a life sentence for rape and torture, is suspected of killing his prison cellmate. Evil Task, indeed. [LAT]

"I’m not even sure that I believe identity exists."

I was a big fan of the Narnia books when I was a kid, but the latest cinematic interpretation of the series has left me pretty cold. Walden Media's films feature way too much cheesy CGI, are way too kid-friendly, and completely fail to tap into the historical roots of the story or express the alien weirdness of Narnia. In short, they're passable children's entertainment, but nothing that a real fan of the series could sink their teeth into. So, why am I bothering to post the trailer for The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, the latest in the series?

I Am Love - In the mannered melodrama I Am Love, director Luca Guadagnino invites us into the lives of the moneyed Recchi family through its kitchen. With painstaking, extended close-ups, he focuses on the Recchi servants as they place, with trained precision, flatware on whiteclothed dining tables. All of this structured pomp is a metaphor for the traditions that stifle the spirit of the clan’s gracious matriarch, Emma (Tilda Swinton). But when Emma meets her son’s friend, a chef named Antonio (Edoardo Gabbriellini), she breaks out of her routine and the focus on cutlery disappears. Their initial spark explodes into a full-blown, all-consuming, gorgeous Italian affair, which climaxes when Emma is forced to choose between the stability of her past and her risky, lustful reawakening. As a caged bird desperate to escape, Swinton has never been better. —Nick Haramis

Some things to love in London. 1. NAOMI. I mean, there must be formaldehyde coursing through those veins or is it possible to be eternally flawless? Clearly, it's possible.

● Although he loves doing it, Gerard Butler fears that fans will think his habit of showing his bare ass in films is a requirement he puts into every contract. [Vamban] ● That Seth Green freak-out footage that “leaked” from the set of an unknown project last week is really a viral campaign for Butterfinger. [DListed] ● Claire Danes and new husband Hugh Dancy know nothing about Brooklyn -- no seriously, they know there’s Dumbo and Prospect Park, and that’s about it. Safe to say they won’t be moving out of Manhattan anytime soon. [NYMag]

The Oscar winner plumbs new depths of depravity

With just over 48 hours to go, all our favorite leading ladies are frenetically booking last-minute lipos, emergency colonics, and marathon pilates classes -- while simultaneously managing miracle master cleanses. All of this in order to assure that they're able to squeeze into constrictive gowns while showing off a demure gait on the red carpet when Sunday rolls around. And while this year's best ladies (and their supporting counterparts) effortlessly snag one headline after another, even past grande dames of Oscar prominence are enjoying an uptick of increased notoriety. Sure, we won't care about more than three percent of all the winners come Monday morning (or today if you're betting by this leaked list of winners), but we can revel in everyone's temporary relevance anyway.

Recent BlackBook cover girl Tilda Swinton is far too mythical and mystical to do something so transparent as record her own album (yeah, that's right ScarJo, we see right through you). She's always been more of a recite-spoken-word-on-a-similarly-androgynous-indie-folk-crooner's-new-album type of gal. So in keeping with perceptions, Swinton will be guesting on Battle, the forthcoming album from newly christened Madonna hater Patrick Wolf.