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Good lord, people. Remember when superhero movies weren't so satisfied with themselves? I get that Zach Snyder, auteur behind overblown green-screen epics like Watchmen, 300, and Sucker Punch (he's really the thinking man's Michael Bay, huh?), doesn't want to be known solely for making the least subtle genre films ever, but in his attempt to make what appears to be a very serious drama featuring a man in tights and a cape is looking more and more like the least fun thing in the world. And also, prettttty gay. I mean, tights and a cape and that dude's jaw. Come on. This is basically a Terrence Malick film but with explosions and a familiar plot mixed in with all the soft-focus shots of wheat. 

The original Watchmen miniseries is arguably the most critically revered comic book of all-time, the only graphic novel to make it on Time's list of the past century's best novels. An attempt to mainstream that adoration a few years ago with a Zak Snyder movie adaptation only went so-so, as the movie did mediocre at the box office and didn't score any great critical endorsements. The well hasn't run completely dry, though: today, DC announced that it will publish seven Watchmen prequel miniseries this summer in a lineup called Before Watchmen.

Word of mouth on Watchmen has been so negative since the film's release last Friday, that even I -- a fan of the graphic novel -- am wondering if I'll ever find the motivation to see it before it leaves multiplexes. Friends (Alan Moore faithfuls and plebeians alike) have gotten me so bummed about the supposed lack of suspense, the fight scenes, the crap acting, and the almost three-hour runtime. My only reason for seeing the movie now is to check out its most preposterous aspect: that infamous sex scene. Sensing this rapidly spreading vitriol, two people -- one with a strong connection to the film, and one who feels strongly connected to it -- have taken to the interwebs to plead with us, go watch Watchmen!

Muse: Silk Spectre II (Malin Akerman) in Watchmen. Style: Over-the-knee boots, skin-tight long gloves, yellow.

● Are you going to see Watchmen this weekend? So is everyone else. Eighty midnight screenings sold out last night, and the studios are expecting a $70 million opening, despite a 2.5 hour run time. [deadlinehollywooddaily] ● Exciting news for CurbYour Enthusiasm/Seinfeld fans: Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jason Alexander, and Michael Richards will all appear in a multi-episode arc on the new season of CYE, overseen by Seinfeld co-creator Larry David of course. This is the first time in 11 years the whole cast will appear on the same show. [EW] ● Daft Punk will add some much need awesomeness to Tron 2.0 by scoring the film. [LAT]

The Silk Spectre revealed

The soon-to-be-hit film's Rorschach gets 'watched' by us.

● Now that we’ve all heard the Christian Bale freak-out, it’s time for the re-mix! Lucian Piane (RevoLucian) has done a brilliant club mix of Bale’s meltdown that’s bound to scream in your head all day. [PerezHilton] ● P Diddy is being sued by artist Tom Patti, who claims that the bottle design for Diddy’s fragrance “Unforgivable” is ripped from his sculpture. [TMZ] ● Vincent Gallo wants you to buy a wallet. Not just any wallet -- the Lucky Buck Lucky [Bleep] Wallet ($750). That’s a hefty price tag, but Gallo promises it will “open doors” and “garner respect,” but most importantly the wallet will “get you laid.” No word on whether it gets you a discount on Gallo's efforts to retail his own sperm. [P6]

● Christina Aguilera is said to be the next celeb designer for TopShop. [MirrorUK] ● LA it-boutique Tracey Ross will close shop after two decades on New Years Eve. The reason? The economy, but of course. [LAT] ● Heather Mills is being sued by her former nanny for sexual harassment. Alleged offenses include naked spray-tanning sessions and 7:30 a.m. call times. [Daily Mail]

The New Leading Man: Would the cast of 'Ocean’s 47' please clear the room for Patrick Wilson? By George, Hollywood’s most underappreciated character actor has finally grown into a bona fide box office draw!