All urban white-collar men of a certain age and facial hair length have this bag, right? The over-the-shoulder, brown-or-olive, many-pocketed shoulder bag? Kind of a backpack that’s easy to lose stuff in, not spacious enough to work as an overnight bag, and extra-bad for your posture? I used wheelie luggage one year in middle school and had to beat up a kid who kicked it over and spilled my homework into a hallway where it was eagerly stomped on by kids changing classes, and therefore no longer make concessions to posture. So I have this kind of bag. Obviously.

Anyway, the buckle thing just broke clean off. It’s an old bag. I think I bought it after the college-era (American Eagle?*) model bit the dust—the strap on that bag broke suddenly when I tried to carry an ancient laptop plus about twenty loose beers. Don’t worry, the beers were fine.

These messenger bags last a long time—through the delivery of countless messages—and it becomes second nature to have such a bag swinging against your hip as you walk. You’re not going to use a briefcase; your hands have very important Words With Friends games to play as you're crossing at busy intersections. But when you have to ride a crowded train with your messenger bag strapped on, which is 400% more awkward than it sounds, try to lift it up as you squeeze past someone, or at least hold it to your crotch so that it doesn’t fly loose as you lunge for an open seat, thereby knocking some poor nerd’s brand-new book out of his hands and onto the dirty floor.

At least apologize to him—he had a tough time in middle school.

 

 

*Jesus Christ.