Japanophiles are creepy. With their assortment of Pocky, wacky Hello Kitty paraphernalia, their odd yen to mimic the behavior of Tokyo tourists trapped in Times Square, and even casual cosplay, these Japanese culture fetishists are an unlikely demo for Hollywood to tap. Yet here we are, at this horrible crossroads. One street packs in the car crashes of bastardized childhood dreams like G.I. Joe and The Smurfs. And the other street bears, well, a similar assortment of scrap metal, but with Japanese license plates. Everything from Speed Racer to Astro Boy.

Last spring, Speed Racer drummed up a considerable amount of interest with Christina Ricci stepping in as BlackBook cover girl to tout the project. And earlier this year, there was the lumpy Dragonball live-action adaptation. There's also a two-part, big-budget remake of Akira that's currently in the works. And of course Astro Boy, which opened today to generally dodgy reviews. But what's surprising is exactly how long ago Hollywood's affair with animé blossomed.

Sometime in the mid-1990s, we'll say 1997ish, Disney optioned a series that was vibing well with a subset of viewers that annoyingly remained out of Dragonball's reach: annoying girls. Sailor Moon was an animated serial that was kind of like Eastwick-meets-Star Trek and it featured lesbians, transsexuals, gays, and some of the most sophisticated pontifications on classical mythology on network TV. In Disney's big-screen take, Geena Davis was under consideration to play this villain, with Alicia Silverstone on deck as the titular heroine. But then good taste or common sense kicked in, and the movie was scrapped.

Until three years ago. When Fox was rumored to have picked up the project and explored the possibility of Lindsay Lohan as Sailor Moon. In her defense, Lohan has the glassy, wide-eyed animé stare down to a T, as well as the manic speech and comically exaggerated facial expressions. In fact, the studio allegedly wanted Joss Whedon to helm the project. An update though: With some intrepid sleuthing, some fans have exposed this iteration of the project, as well as the involvement of not only Lohan and Whedon, but also Jennifer Garner, as nothing more than hot air that inexplicably gained too much momentum.

Although one curious fact remains: by virtue of its choppy, hacky editing and tendency to reuse cels, animé is supposed to be a cost-effective way of mass-producing entertainment. That makes the budget allotment for American takes of Dragonball (upwards of $45 million) and Astro Boy (at least $65 million) self-defeating. Especially for the former, which has yet to recoup its production costs. Which could explain why production on a Keanu Reeves-led live-action take of Cowboy Bebop remains stalled as well. But that's just because it would cost half a billion clams to make; just think of all the Pocky that could buy.