There’s a familiar tocsin that goes off in my head each time I hear that a classic film is being re-made. I understand the motivations—either cashing in on a brand (Charlie & the Chocolate Factory), well-meaning but usually foolish homage (Cape Fear), or both—but in a perfect world, I would rather see lousy pictures improved upon than great ones brought low, which is almost universally the outcome. So it was with a distinct ringing in my ears that I learned Kate Winslet and director Todd Haynes are re-making Michael Curtiz’ 1945 film noir classic, Mildred Pierce. I can think of few films in less need of monkeying with, and even fewer Joan Crawford roles in which the actress seems more irreplaceable. True, the new production will be a five hour mini-series for HBO rather than a feature, and I imagine will hew more closely to the original James M. Cain novel, but this only diminishes my skepticism in part. I can’t help but recall the last unfortunate occasion when someone tried to re-jigger a much-loved Michael Curtiz film. Behold the height of cinematic odium after the jump!

1996’s Pamela Anderson-starrer, Barb Wire, was essentially a remake of Casablanca!

To get the taste of that out of your eyes, here's the original Mildred Pierce trailer.