Oh Billy Ray, I didn't see you there, probing Hannah Montana director Peter Chelsom's spine with a fully loaded pistol. But that does make sense. Because nothing else would inspire Chelsom to make outrageous claims like, "I just thought, you know there is no way [Miley Cyrus] shouldn't be ranked with Shirley Temple or Judy Garland," about filming a pic with Billy Ray's love, joy & primary source of income. Obviously, Chelsom had a trip of the tongue and meant to say that little Miley had all the makings of a modern day Maria Montez.

Even that would be a horrendous slight on the original camp queen. But wait, the outrageousness continues! Other vile obscenities also include, "I couldn't believe it. It was like watching an evening with Barbra Streisand." Clearly he meant that it was agonizing to experience Miley's stabs at acting -- comparable to that one evening where Barbra Streisand duetted with Céline Dion. And boy, did our ears bleed then. But his most offensive claim? The one that falsely offers hope by promising no sequels. Silly Peter! The cryogenically frozen head of Walt Disney would only mandate otherwise upon news of Montana's inevitable box office success.