● This series of text messages between baby mama Mariah Yeater and a friend, as obtained by TMZ, seem to prove that Bieber is not the father of her child. “ERASE ALL MESSAGES from my mom where she says Tristyn is Robbies Son,” she begs a friend, promising him a cut of her now unlinkely court winnings. [TMZ]

● For her first post-baby role, Natalie Portman will take on Fran Kubelik, Shirley Maclaine's role in Jason Reitman's restaging of The Apartment, at the LACMA tonight. [Vulture]

● The time he fell off a balcony chasing a bad kick excepted, it sounds like hackey sack has been really important in keeping Steve-O sane, sober, and physically fit. [Adult Swim]

● For $1,850, you can rent the Lower East Side apartment that Lady Gaga lived in before she got famous. It's got french doors and a marble bath, both of which sound lovely, but it comes with no guarantees of future stardom. [CitiHabitat]

● That haircut a lot of boys seem to be sporting these days, the one that is short on the sides but long and slicked back on top? The New York Times says it's the new cool look, and that it's actually not so new -- it's a Hitler Youth thing. [NYT]

● A group of Kardashian non-fans have launched a "grass roots" effort to get the Kardashians off our airwaves. Their online petition has amassed more than 70,000 signatures, which sounds like a lot, but also a lot less than the 4 million who tuned into Kim's doomed Fairytale Wedding special. [ABC]