Les Misérables, that epic modern classic of musical theater, is going to be a movie, and I'm pretty sure it will be a glorious musical comedy in the grand tradition of Singin' in the Rain and Glitter. Under the direction of Tom Hooper, director of The King's Speech (he was surely inspired by Ron Howard's perfect portrayal of the lisping Winthrop Paroo in The Music Man), this movie is going to seamlessly transfer the spectacle from the Broadway stage to the celluloid, and it's boasting an all-star cast.

First of all, we have Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe as the lovable criminal Jean Valjean and his ruthless pursuer Javert, respectively. You couldn't pick two Australians more perfect to play these dueling Frenchmen. Jackman will likely spice things up, turning Valjean from a somber fellow full of regret to a song-and-dance man full of razzle-dazzle, and prone to shaking those sensuous hips. Valjean has never been so sexy! And there's the gruff Crowe as the stoic and and serious Javert. Do you think he'll keep his ponytail? 

Of course, no film about Paris in the 19th century is complete without a sad prostitute with a heart of gold. As Fantine, Anne Hathaway is ready for her big number, where she'll die on a bed in the first half-hour. Have you ever been more excited for an Anne Hathaway movie? I suppose the real question is: haven't you been waiting for an Anne Hathaway movie wherein she dies before you can even finish your popcorn?

Mamma Mia! star Amanda Seyfried is obviously no stranger to wacky musicals, so she's perfect as Cosette, the grown daughter of Fantine, who has been adopted by Valjean. (Don't you see the resemblance between Hathaway and Seyfried? Do you not have eyeballs?) Never has there been a musical theater character with less of a personality and an affinity for dour black dresses covered in gigantic doilies. If Seyfried wasn't going to be competing for every other woman in this film, I'd say she's sure to get an Oscar nomination. 

Don't forget the other important supporting characters: Sacha Baron Cohen and Helena Bonham Carter as the Thénardiers, the wicked owners of a French country inn (again, these are staples for any ensemble film about France). You'll remember that this pair are just as experienced as the rest of the cast, as they starred in the Tim Burton-directed adaptation of Sweeney Todd. Now that they've had the complicated tunes by Stephen Sondheim under their belts, they're sure to belt the hell out of those entry-level Claude-Michel Schönberg rhythms. The role is especially convenient for Helena Bonham Carter, who can show up in her street clothes of tattered black dress, unkempt hair, and soot-infused make-up.

Who's left? Well Eponine, of course! She's the child of the Thénardiers, a plucky little street urchin who pines for the affections of Marius, the student revolutionary who is too taken with boring old Cosette to notice Eponine in her fierce Newsies cap. Who else could play the daughter of Sacha Baron Cohen and Helena Bonham Carter, but the immensely talented and emotionally expressive Taylor Swift. Sure, you may suggest that her lack of any formal acting experience as well as her limited 22-year-old's worldview might put her at a disadvantage when it comes to fully comprehending the complicated emotions of a young girl living in a politically volatile climate in a foreign land so long ago. But you will also forget that that classic ode to unrequited love, "On My Own," is essentially just the musical theater version of Swift's "You Belong to Me." Eponine is really just a girl in love with a boy who just happens to also meet her untimely end by the bullets of the brutal French police. I mean, Swift was more emotionally scarred by Kanye West, right? 

Now we all must attempt to control our anxious excitement, as Les Misérables isn't due in theaters until December of this year. In the meantime, I guess we'll just have to hate-watch Glee, if only to snicker at Lea Michele's inability to outshine Taylor Swift. 

[Image by Bobby Finger]