Full disclosure: Perhaps it was the slabs of turkey I ate before rushing to the cineplex or that bloody Leona Lewis song that comes on when the end credits start rolling, but on Christmas Day, I bawled as Avatar wrapped up. Sure it was a scene-by-scene rip-off of Ferngully and Princess Mononoke, minus the whimsy of the former and the moral relativism of the latter. Still it was a well-executed bid at emotional manipulation. Somewhere, even Lars von Trier had to give James Cameron a standing O for so excellently engineering sympathy. But you know who hates this film? The Church! And feminists! And Republicans! And race equality advocates! And other kinds of civil rights activists! Despite scaring up a billion dollars, or maybe because of it, everyone wants to hate Avatar. A list of all the haters after the jump.

● Bible-thumpers. Although the Vatican has dismissed the film as "sentimental hokum" (dear God, we agree on something!), they're most unnerved by Avatar's paganistic leanings. Vatican Radio has weighed in about how the film "[winks] at the pseudo-doctrines that have made ecology the religion of the millennium." Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it is decidedly unGodly.

● Republicans. Not to be confused with religious zealots that frankly could care less about how aptly radical American politics was portrayed in the film. Republicans feel most threatened not by Avatar's eco-friendly overtones, but its thinly-veiled skewering of the Bush administration. As such, they are now deeming it "anti-American."

● Ladies: They feel most threatened about how females in the film find their power and strength offset by the Na'vi female anatomy. There's also what drives the love story between Neyitri and Jake Sully: The need for women to become betrothed to one mate in particular when a failure to do so would amount to The Joy Luck Club levels of matrimonial ennui. Also, Avatar has the gall to feature a lady who smokes, which has made some people very unhappy.

● Wheelchair-bound: Probably the first of any concerns unique to this film, a major gripe about Jake Sully's character is how, prior to becoming a Na'vi, he's stereotypically drawn out as a wheelchair-bound man driven to heroics purely by his desire to prove his worth a human being who is functionally bipedal.

● Various civil rights activists: Of all the "-isms" to arise in opposition to Avatar, racism may actually hold the most ground. Annalee Newitz's dissection on io9 of the film's tendency to play into the "old white guilt fantasy" trope is spot-on. Additionally, not counting Michelle Rodriguez's stunning three-line cameo, the film represents ethnicity exclusively through the Na'vi. The Na'vi are a race of people who are indigenous mostly because they don't employ contractions when speaking. This makes the film out to be as racist as Pocahontas before it.

● At least they didn't offend the gays! Oh wait.