We're really rooting for you Night. The Sixth Sense is undeniable. Unbreakable is one of the most underrated films of this decade (we’re not kidding). Signs was a creepy and moving success. So when The Village proved you weren’t without filmmaking flaws, and then Lady in the Water utterly confirmed it, we began to worry. Your image in the press suffered—an egomaniac they called you—and suddenly our “next Spielberg” began resembling our “next Cimino.” So when chilling trailers for your latest film The Happening started popping up, we expected a return to form. An invisible force causes people to lose their self preservation instinct—suicide all around. Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel, two of the most likeable actors in Hollywood, on the run for their lives. What’s not to like? Well, today the reviews are in, and with held breath, we checked them out…

We sensed it. We saw the signs. It's not looking good.

“The movie demonstrates a smart movie geek's obsession with the rhythms and gory details of horror storytelling, undermined by a pompous insistence on spiritual lessons of the tritest kind” -Lisa Schwarzbaum, Entertainment Weekly

“After the insufferably dense mermaid mythology of Lady in the Water, Shyamalan clearly wanted to keep things simple. He whizzed straight past simple to simplistic.” Michael Phillips, Chicago Tribune

“The Happening stutter-steps its way in this direction and that to a disappointing ending.” Stephen Hunter, Washington Post

With those kinds of reviews from some of the nation’s top critics (and the film not faring well on the genre-loving fanboy web circuit either), our heart breaks for our fallen Night. But wait! There’s hope to be had! Roger Ebert, the bestest critic of all, gave the film three out of four stars, and had this to say about it: “M. Night Shyamalan's "The Happening," is a movie that I find oddly touching. It’s no doubt too thoughtful for the summer action season, but I appreciate the quietly realistic way Shyamalan finds to tell a story about the possible death of man.” Shit, he’s so right. That’s what we loved about Shyamalan in the first place, his ability to tell tales of the supernatural in realistic ways. Now we’re confused and don’t know what to think! Damn you film critics and your varying opinions. And damn our inability to form our own.