Something struck me about the fine sci-fi romp District 9 when I finally caught it the other day -- that being just how sympathetic the aliens are. Not just in terms of their social situation as oppressed minorities under the thumb of human thugs et cetera, but just viscerally and visually. Which is odd, considering they are basically giant bugs, and bugs disgust me; the aliens are referred to pejoratively as "prawns" by the humans in the movie. Part of the aliens' believability comes from excellent CGI effects and movement work, but there's another factor. Despite having a bug face with constantly writhing mouth parts, the aliens also have a big ol' pair of soulful human eyeballs. Not much chance of that happening in evolutionary terms for an insectoid race, but screw verisimilitude. This is about getting relatable, and movie aliens have been copping man-eyes for decades in order to connect with human audiences.

E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial - Steven Spielberg had a problem. How do you make an alien cute? Make it look like a doll, of course. (You may recall that E.T. actually hides amongst a pile of stuffed toys at one point in the movie, to the terror of a wee Drew Barrymore). Sure, the face is simian, the head's shaped like a golf club atop a wrinkly body, and certain parts of him glow when aroused. But check out those baby blues! Surely this little darling doesn't want to conquer our planet and eat our chromosomes?

Aliens in the Attic - If you doubt the pernicious legacy of the E.T.-cute-alien, just examine any other family-friendly alien movie in the many years since, such as this piece of crap from 2009. Doesn't matter if it's a gremlin with multiple limbs, as long as it has a pair of human eyeballs up top. Perfect way to straddle the uncanny valley without falling in.

Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi - Enough of Spielberg’s legacy, what about George Lucas? Despite the preponderance of aliens in his movies, his general dislike of actual humans (and actors) means he rarely bothers to give them human eyeballs. The Ewoks, cutest of his critters, are styled after teddy bears and have what could charitably be described as hamster eyes. They sure are twee, but if they lived on your planet you really wouldn't feel too bad about cutting down their rainforest to pasture more cows.

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace - As in the case of Jar-Jar Binks, Lucas assembles his aliens via slapping random animal parts onto an ethnic stereotype. Jar-Jar is a retarded Rastaman comic relief widget with eyestalks and froggy eyeballs to suit his laughable amphibian origin. His "character" focuses more on his big donkey mouth. He is meant to be a cartoon, like everything and everyone else in a George Lucas movie.

Avatar - So here we have James Cameron's forthcoming nerd jizzfest which has already bored me. His aliens are all native and shit with some sort of cat thing going on in the face, but despite the feline irises it's still obvious the eyes are meant to convey noble emotions on the human level. The feline look is just for show; I don't expect these aliens to do that thing where the irises get really huge right when the cat is about to pounce on your foot or genitals.

Mars Attacks - This is what happens when you start going the other way. Obviously these aliens are a play on the 1950s movie monsters, but even though the intended effect is terror rather than sympathy, it's still broadcasting on the human wavelength. Bloodshot human eyes in a human skull with a big human brain.

District 9 - For comparison's sake, here's a prawn. Face and head couldn't be more alien, but those eyes! Looks like he could be shedding a tear to keep America beautiful.

Predator - If you can get past the fanged vagina mouth, these guys have something canine in the eyeball department -- but again, their predatory eye contact would not be out of place coming from a schoolyard bully. Is the Clint Eastwood lethal squint universal across the galaxy?

Alien - The complete opposite end of the spectrum. No eyeballs at all! And thus the most unsettling movie alien. It should be no surprise that when Predators meet Aliens, the audience is always cued to favor the Predators, even though they've shown just as much enthusiasm for human massacre as the Aliens. But since the Alien has a fangy dick-mouth, I suppose we, as humans, are supposed to prefer the Predator's beady little eyes and fangy vagina-mouth. Will these two crazy kids ever get together with their spiky sex mouths and try to make it work? Some things you really don't want to see anyway, human eyes or not.