Maybe America has endeared to Adam Lambert in spite of his penchant for black nail polish and spy-wife trenchcoats because he's not afraid to go back into a time that many of us would sooner forget: College! That was an era for many fey folk to learn what it meant to "explore" the "furthest reaches" of their "sexuality." For some of us, it meant a series of dates with an incompatible gender that culminated with confused stares and lukewarm portions of General Tso's chicken. For others, it meant a series of meaningless, inconclusive dates designed to prolong the journey toward an inevitable conclusion. And for Adam Lambert, giving life the old college try entails a lot of backtracking designed to endear him to the ever-narrowing aesthetics of the Bible FUPA. He's out, but he's too proud, and with this Details shoot, perhaps he can tiptoe back into the closet enough assuage gay panic, awkwardly positioning himself next to/with a lady in the process.

In one photograph, Lambert launches his tongue at the woman, trying to lick her face (and later, her breasts) as if they are Godiva truffles. Adam, no! Women are not Godiva truffles. In another he holds the same woman awkwardly, as if spooning a Ming vase. This Adam Lambert is a lot like your closeted best friend from high school whose Facebook profile must've read, under Music: "I like Beyoncé not only for her body, but for her mind too." So much sexual confusion, Adam! Sigh.

You'd think that working with openly gay/swoon-worthy pop star Sam Sparro and expressing a yen to work with gay rights champion Lady Gaga would've trained the pop colt better.

Perhaps it has. And here he is, paying his dues heteronormatively, because he doesn't know any better. And because everyone around him, attempting to market him, appear drunk on the same gay panic they're trying to downplay. Which is unfortunate, because if this Details spread is strike one, and this debut music video is strike two, it leaves little opportunity to misfire.