For the rare hybrid R. Kelly/boating fan, there's an amazing promotion coming your way: the Love Letter Cruise, which sails from Miami next year. From October 1-5, you'll get to see R. Kelly perform in the theme of his recent throwback album, Love Letter, along with many other treats. Let the press release take you away, since I'm not sure paraphrasing does it justice:

An exciting time awaits you on Carnival Cruise Line 'Destiny', as R. Kelly presents a fabulous performance, never seen before at SEA. Enjoy delicious cuisines. Work up a sweat at the 'Stepping Class', Sign up for the '12 Play' Basketball Game. Pamper yourself with a massage, and select from more than 20 various games and activities on board, along with special guest artists. Don't miss this exciting cruise with R. Kelly.

In general, cruise ships should be weird to anyone under the age of 50. You don't need David Foster Wallace to tell you that. They're even weirder when bands are added to the attraction, whether it's aging rockers or up-and-coming indie kids. When did amped up guitars ever cure seasickness, or stop anybody from hating their family? But R. Kelly's smooth voice will surely rock you to romance, or failing that, sleep. Really, what could be better than seeing the Pied Piper of R&B croon on the high seas?

Tickets start at the low price of $1,499 per person--if that's not enough of a bargain, you'll save $250 by booking within the next three days. You probably should, if you don't want your loved ones to think you're a loser. Below, listen to "Sex Weed," only the 6th most ridiculous/enjoyable Kellz song of all time.