Taylor Swift sold out her first four U.S. tour dates tickets in two minutes. Two. Minutes. 120 seconds. I can't even pee in 120 seconds. But Taylor Swift, transcending the boundaries of "country," "girl rock," and "pop rock," is a triple-threat teen who's managed to generate more revenue in 120 seconds than I will over the Entirety. Of. My. Existence. There are four reasons this has happened. Let us explain:

1. America Loves a Good Victim, and Taylor Swift Is an Awesome Victim. Swift was the victim of a Class-A Kanye-ization, but more importantly, was embarrassed on a national stage for no other reason than some asshole decided it would be a good idea. We Americans love us a victim. They give us reasons to be angry, sad, upset, indignant, vengeful, and they help put our own concerns in perspective. Like yeah, sure, you're not a multimillion-value pop star, but you also didn't just get called out as second-rate to Beyoncé, which you've always been insecure about being (and really, who isn't insecure about being second-rate compared to Beyoncé)? We love a good story about karma, too. It makes us feel like all is Right with the World. In this case, it means Taylor Swift making mountains of money move, and Kanye West's tour getting the kibosh.

2. America Loves an Underdog. She's country! No, she's pop! No, she's just a teen poppet! She's a dork who can't get the guy! But she eventually does! Taylor Swift has played the underdog card so unbelievably well, she makes the Lost Children of Sudan look entitled. Let's go over this: Taylor Swift -- a white blonde girl -- managed to paint herself as an underdog. How can you not root for her?

3. The Other People America Loves Love Her! John Mayer! This long-haired country bro! These country bros! No, seriously, the only person who doesn't like Taylor Swift is Kanye West.

4. Sigh. She may be talented. Sometimes, strong ticket sales are just evidence that someone can sell tickets well. Sometimes, it's evidence that America loves that person. And sometimes, it means that they have drawing power, and that one of the main sources of that drawing power could be actual, discernable talent. Swift writes a lot of her own stuff, she's always touring, and she's never had any kind of crazy-bitch-celebrity freakout like so many others have. She's avoided the trap of Trashy-Country-Singer-Star, she got dumped by a Jonas Brother! and managed to survive, I mean: this girl's got it going on. You try and sell that many tickets in two minutes. You try to do anything in two minutes. Point is: Taylor Swift's gonna be around for a while. Get used to it. And don't interrupt her, either.