Behold, Campaign for American Values PAC’s newest bit of poorly scripted homophobia, “New Morning.” There is a lot to love here.

I can safely say that we’ve all been in that kitchen, muttering over all the unrepentant faggotry in that day’s paper, confiding in a spouse that we feel threatened by soon-to-be-mandatory butt-sex relationships. Not even jars of two different flavors of Goldfish® Crackers could make me feel safe from the homosexual agenda!

What does the early close-up on the coffee mug signify? I can’t believe I have to spell it out for you, but if we let the gays get married, the reception desserts alone will exhaust the entire nation’s coffee supply. Proposition 8 doesn't sound so bad now, does it.

Amazing to think that Obama is willing to throw away the anti-gay vote that propelled him to the presidency, isn’t it? That’s not how to build your base. But unless you vote Romney, it may be too late for families like this one. Just look at the husband’s face when he agrees with his morally centered wife: almost as though he were having second thoughts about his traditional marriage. Hold on till November, guy—the cavalry is coming, and they’re straight.