Despite being home to a man who claims he was robbed twice in a half hour, Iowa, as of this morning, becomes a safer haven to those seeking relief from the sometimes small-mindedness of the heartland. The state becomes the third in the Obama nation to legally recognize gay marriage. In all of its corn-fielded, starchy glory, the Iowan pastures are an ideal adopted homeland for the gay couple who want to avoid New York's ruthlessness or LA's agelessness. Or for those looking to live out their wildest Dorothy Gale fantasies, without the lynch mob trailing them (sorry Kansas!), short of spending a weekend at Princess Ozma's in the West Village. Should you find yourself bound for Des Moines or the Iowa Writers' Workshop in dire need of mojitos and catty banter (like WTFing over that preposterous claim calling Miley the new Judy G.) or just a kindred spirit to rejoice with, consider the following wealth of options. Sure, it's not like Sherry Vine will come calling at any of these watering holes, but ridiculously cheap drink specials should pacify snobbier patrons.

1. The Garden (Des Moines) - "Wii Wednesday. Everything two for one." Nothing more need be said. 2. The Blazing Saddle (Des Moines) - A down-low dive serving up stiff drinks sans pretentious hipsters. 3. Studio 13 (Iowa City) - Take your brooding poetry baby out for $3 wells at karaoke night. 4. Kings & Queens Tap (Waterloo) - Middle-of-the-line beer hut for Middle America. 5. Club Basix (Cedar Rapids) - A failsafe combo: drag queens and dance-offs.