It was Beauty & the Beast as Donald Trump lowered his gavel today and let justice (for some, not all) ring across this land -- a land that has long since lost interest in swine flu, but maintained interest in the prospects of Carrie Prejean's state-endorsed breasts. Grunted Trump, "Carrie will remain Miss California. She will do a fantastic job." He also went onto growl about her thoughts on gay marriage, by saying, "She gave an answer form her heart and that has to be commended." And then, snarling just a little bit, Trump rendered his verdict on the prospect of Prejean's topless assets. He noted, "We are in the 21st century. I talked about relevance. We have determined that the pictures taken are fine."

And then, in his pas de deux with that sunny belle, he deferred the podium to Prejean. She proceeded to intone words from a crumpled-looking piece of paper. Her most poignant moment came when explaining those topless shots: "They were taken in between pictures on a windy day." But more eloquently, she intimated, "I'm a strong woman. Because of that, I am now able to move forward." And on Perez Hilton, she added, "He was trying to be self-promoting and hateful." And all of that sincerity made tears well in Prejean's eyes, and I was there with her, blubbering along with the live feed of the verdict.

That is until she started up some talk of free speech and how her right to it was curbed when she was demonized for admonishing les gays. Oh Carrie! Carrie, darling. Not to continue harping on the past, but if the liberal media elite learned anything in the last eight years, it's that free speech only worked then when it served a radical rightist agenda. But let's not dwell on such forgone unpleasantries or harbor any ill will. If Perez hasn't made good on his standing coffee date, perhaps we can go slam some bourbon and talk about how your tiara would be a useful boomerang in the Australian outback.