Charlie Sheen has told Radar he's "close to securing a deal" with HBO for a new show called Sheen's Corner. This is a front-runner for the least true thing I've heard all week. After yesterday's epic batshittery (radio interview, open letter to TMZ, a promise to take a drug test on Monday), plus CBS' decision to shut down Two and a Half Men, this seems...unlikely. At best.

Sheen says he'll be pulling in $5 million an episode and, amusingly, “It will be epic, all types of guests and we will focus on the truth and the absurd!” HBO has stayed mum on the subject.

He's really going for broke at this point, huh? In fact, here's a list of demonstrably false things Sheen has said/done in the past couple days.

● “I'm so confident where I am at and that these faceless names can't touch me... I know that I will pass the test and prove my detractors wrong." By "test," he's referring to the drug test he promised Radar Online he will undergo on Monday. Is there a way to get cocaine out of your system that fast? ● That Chuck Lorre's real name is Haim Levine. ● “If they do discover my blood to be tiger blood, I hope that nobody will be shocked!” To Radar, again about the drug test. ● "I cured it...with my mind." "It" = his drug addiction. ● That he has an "army of assassins." ● That he works for the Pope, murders people, is a "Vatican assassin," and a "high priest." ● "My success rate is 100 percent." ● That a "lot of people" think Major League is actually titled Wild Thing. ● "I'm an F-18, bro."

Don't stop, Charlie! This is just starting to get good.