Oh, undecided voters. They're usually the ones who'll say their favorite member of Wham! was Andrew Ridgeley, not George Michael. Or that maybe Lindsay Lohan's text messages to Chace Crawford and her recent Amtrak spat with Sam Ronson mean that she's finally found her way back to the path of righteousness. Humoristic author David Sedaris has a few choice words for the undecideds as well.

Sedaris writes, "To put [undecided voters] in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. 'Can I interest you in the chicken?' she asks. 'Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?' To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked." Curiously enough, when whittled down to David Sedaris book titles, either choice also portends a future for the country. For example, if we go with the chicken, we'll be spending our holidays on ice. Otherwise we'll all be engulfed in flames.
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