Dear Uncle Steve: I recently met a very beautiful woman while attending a 12 step meeting. She heard me speaking about my recovery from drinking and wanted my help with getting on the wagon. She’s very seductive and keeps hinting that she wants a lot more from me than just support. Is it totally immoral for me to have a sexual or romantic relationship with such a vulnerable person?

Soberly, Horny Sponsor

Dear Horny Sponsor: Been there done that.

I’ve had a relationship with a person in this very position. Your question seems to imply that you may be her sponsor. If this is the case, then change that immediately. It’s indeed immoral for people in a position of power to accept what seems like love from a person in dire need. I’m not saying you can’t have a relationship with this person, but that another sponsor must mediate and determine what's best for both of you. My relationship was with a wonderful and seductive woman and failed miserably as I was unwilling to listen to experienced council. A common expression in 12 step recovery is "13th stepping". It’s a line used to coerce newbies into the program. It goes like this "Hey honey, wanna stay sober? Then come with me and we'll fuck." Assholes who try this are generally old timers and, of course, it never works. Keep in mind that everyone in that group has been coercing, cheating, lying and manipulating to support their habits for years. You’re not necessarily in good company even though some may have good intentions. You’re fishing in polluted waters.

xoxo, Uncle Steve

Advice from a girl: Yes, it’s totally immoral, and sick and twisted and wrong on a number of levels. If you’re honestly considering a relationship with this woman, at least let her make it through the program and approach the topic once she’s in healthy mind and spirit. At that time, she’ll respect you for being a mentor and helping her through an obviously trying period. If you're looking to use her for sex, then sure, this is a great time to go in for the kill. But only if you’re a sadist and a bigot with no respect for recovering addicts. Remember, there’s also a chance she won’t make it through recovery, which should be a red flag to stay away.

Dear Uncle Steve: My girlfriend is 15 years younger than me and is a hopeless romantic. We’ve been together for four years and get along great, but our romance is less than explosive. I tried to explain to her that the volatile romance of the first few months always wears off and becomes a more sustainable, mild romantic affection and intimacy. Do you have any advice on what I can do to convince her that the flame is still there between us and that we are not merely coexisting as friends with benefits?

Complacently, Lovelorn

Dear Lovelorn: True Romance like the Christian Slater/Patricia Arquette, Romeo/Juliet variety doesn’t necessarily settle into "a more sustainable, mild romantic affection and intimacy." My passions for my first, and indeed, second wife remain torrid to this day. It sounds like you're just another dirty old man who managed to confuse a pretty young thing. Over time, after she heard your embellished stories over and over again, hung out with your settled and (maybe) boring friends and had a chance to see exactly who you are, she realized you’re far from a knight in shining armor. You’re merely a frog who didn’t turn into a prince when kissed. Maybe she just got bored of your bullshit. As an older man who has dated women half my age, I’ve also had this problem. First, don’t try to convince her, just show her! Give her what she wants. If she wants to dance, then dance. If she wants to swing from chandeliers, then help her grab on. Viagra can also put a tiger in your tank if it's not a conversational problem but merely a matter of…oomph. If you can’t go there and you care for her, then please let her go and find someone who seeks a lifestyle more your speed.

xoxo, Uncle Steve

Advice from a girl: It sounds to me like you’re being lazy. If she’s really a hopeless romantic, then as an older man with vast life experience should be able to fulfill her romantic wishes in and out of the sack. If you’re not interested in 'coexisting as friends with benefits', then get on the field and make shit happen. Make her understand that she’s more than your fetish-worthy Lolita. When you write very matter-of-factly that a relationships eventually warp into "more sustainable intimacy" it sounds like you’re reading from the manual of ‘Training a Subservient Wife’. Before you continue with this tartlet, make sure you’re not taking advantage of her youth and naïveté to secure someone to take care of you in your old age.