Dear Uncle Steve: I don't want to control my boyfriend, but whenever he hangs out with his friends he drinks a lot. Even though I know he doesn't have a problem, he gets really lazy with remembering to call, and shows up drunk for dinner or other things we've planned after "guy time" on weekends. How do I tell him to knock it off without sounding like a control freak?

Sincerely, Passively Possessive

('’)Dear Passively Possessive: My time is valuable, and I require that the people in my life recognize that. Your boyfriend must learn to respect the rules of engagement or you’ll never find security and peace in your relationship. I think what’s best is that you don’t plan anything with him on his “guy nights”, just chalk it up as a night when you won’t see each other. On these nights, go out with your girlfriends and have a blast. If you hook up later…so be it. Another thing you might try is joining him on “guys night”. What could he possibly be doing that you wouldn't be welcome at? Encourage his friends to bring their gals along too. There’s nothing "freaky" about demanding a little respect and controlling your time...unless you’re afraid of what really happens when he’s away with the guys. Is this a case of "I love him so much that I don't want to know what happens when he’s out of sight"? Respect is a very big word. If he isn’t willing to respect your time and feelings, how much of a leap is it for him to disrespect the other values that you require?

xoxo, Uncle Steve

Advice from a girl: Sometimes, training a boyfriend feels like training a circus animal. Yes, you should both spend time with your friends and you should have the leeway to enjoy your lives apart from one another, but when this allotted independence leads to him acting like a juvenile twerp, he needs to be chastised. Lemme guess, you always invite him to hang with you and the girls, right? Well, guess what you’re doing next weekend? Girl time. He’s not invited. Maybe you’ll hang out with your more promiscuous friends whom he disapproves of. Maybe you’ll show up late for your plans with him, slightly inebriated (not drunk, that’s just rude). The world is your oyster. If he doesn’t want to listen, then he’s gonna have to understand how his actions make you feel.

Dear Uncle Steve: I've been seeing a girl for the last month. We’ve only had sex four times and all were not that exciting. She told me that she's never had an orgasm but won’t let me go down on her. And the way our sex is going it doesn’t seem like I’ll ever get her over the finish line with sex alone. I need ideas. What’s a sure fire way to turbo-charge our sex?

Sincerely, Climax Deprived

Dear Climax Deprived:First, understand that this is a problem that’ll require a lot of understanding and patience. I don't know how old you guys are so I’ll answer as if you’re very young. If she’s a mature woman, I doubt I can provide advice that could help her. Also, realize that this isn’t her problem alone. In time, many men learn how to be great lovers, the road to being such a man is paved with the understanding that many women require more than a moving dick inside them for an orgasm. They need a lover with a brain and an appreciation of intimacy before they can open up and enjoy themselves. I think a romantic, no pressure evening would be a good start. Candles, wine, give her a sensual massage in a warm, fuzzy place without you thinking too much about getting your dick wet. Make out, touch each other, laugh, be charming and tell her that this is an amazing experience for you. Fall asleep in each other’s arms. Remove the pressure that sex needs to be about climax. Then while dressed over a breakfast you made her the next morning, talk softly about sexuality. Does she want an orgasm? Has she had them while masturbating? Did she like it when you touched her in a certain way last night? Be encouraging and loving. Give her time to open up to you and communicate her feelings about sex. A month isn’t much time to feel intimate with another so if you feel she’s worth it, then cut her some slack as long as she isn’t shutting the door on communication. A fun visit to a sex shop where laughter is a big part of the day might help too. Each of you buy one thing for yourselves and one for your partner. Don’t buy her a 12 inch dildo! My experience is that if you play this hand slowly you will reap great rewards. Oh and there are lots of books out there about this sort of thing. YOU read them in private and use the knowledge of a thousand years to lend a helping hand or whatever it takes to take her to the Promised Land.

xoxo, Uncle Steve

Advice from a girl: The motive to turbo-charge things may work against you. Just like men and their wieners, girls don’t always work well under pressure. First, you need to tell her that you’re dedicated to making her happy. That’s an enticing thing for a girl to hear. And keep telling her. Once she knows that she can trust you, she may just let the inner lioness out. Maybe she won’t let you go down on her because she’s never enjoyed it before or feels self-conscious. So keep trying without forcing it, kiss her from her neck to her ankles and see how she reacts. If she’s squeamish, proceed as usual and try again next time, getting a little closer to oral sex. Perhaps in the act, she won’t be able to resist the obvious lustiness. Don’t assume that she’ll have an orgasm the first time either, it’ll be a process. Maybe she’ll get tired of trying, but she’ll know that you’re willing and able to make her happy. Then the ideas will just start flowing.