Once upon a time, we used to be a civilized nation--and our barometer for success was Lindsay Lohan's rising star. And then, the broken institution that is Child Protective Services failed to wrench Lohan away from her parasitic parents. So the Parent Trap starlet crashed, burned and became a one-woman personification of American decline. Which then puts us here: Lohan reportedly getting smacked around by ex Samantha Ronson. And according to an insider's confession, this Whitney Houston-Bobby Brown dynamic has become routine for the pair.

A source close to both reports to RadarOnline, "One time I saw her [Lindsay] and she had a large welt on her head. She told me that Sam beat the (bleep) out of her. She also said that Sam even punched and choked her one time." It gets even more mired from there, though. "It’s so twisted. They’re not together, but they are. I never thought I’d ever say this, but I really do feel sorry for Lindsay. She is just lost. She’s alone. She has no friends to turn to.” Which at least then makes sense out Spirit In the Dark, the title of Lohan's stalled third album.