Airlines don't want you flying sick this holiday season, and they mean it. They mean it so much that they'll kick you off an airplane just for puking. It seems that the H1N1 fear has finally made it to the friendly skies, and flight attendants have the authority to boot you off the plane if they think you're going to infect other passengers. United Airlines passenger Mitra Mostoufi was bumped off her flight two days ago for asking for an airsickness bag -- she barfed in the bathroom and attributed it to her restless leg syndrome medications -- and that was it, she was off the plane, even though she swore she wasn't ill with the flu or some other contagious disease. Mostoufi was instead booked onto a "plague ship" -- a decommissioned container vessel full of lepers and amputees that will ply the coasts and dock only at industrial ports to unload its verminous cargo.

Only joking of course! United currently does not admit to operating plague craft in the air or on the seas. Mostoufi was actually rebooked on another non-plague United flight for the next day. Ergo, obviously, don't fly sick this season because flight attendants seem to be trigger happy about kicking out questionably ill passengers. But if you are just a little bit under the weather, hide it as best you can. Take some nose-clearing meds and look as bright-eyed and healthy as possible, or you're liable to grounded before take-off. If you're seriously really sick, some airlines will accept doctor's notes and rebook your tickets sans fee, but check ahead of time.