Invite the most vivacious, witty blend of friends and acquaintances, lubricate them with the smoothest cocktails, and serve them cuisine that would make even Mario Batali smack his lips -- but as a host, if you don’t come with the right attitude, the whole evening will be a flop. Entertaining at home is a personal statement. It’s your home. Behold these commandments, though you’ll forgive me if I dispense with the Thou Shalts:

1. You are the weather. Guests who come to your home will respond to your mood. They can’t help it. So forget your worries, c’mon get happy. We all have annoying bosses, wardrobe anxieties, kitchen mishaps. When your guests walk through that door, create the illusion that you have hung all your crap out to dry for a few hours because you want these favored people to have a swell night. 2. Bright idea. Turn down the lights. Strike a match to a few candles. This isn’t your sophomore Econ study group. Bright lights are great for reading the fine print on your prescription allergy medication or performing home surgery on ingrown toenails, but not for socializing.

3. Music. Music is the duct tape of home entertaining. It can fix nearly any problem. Create a playlist that’s thoughtful, appropriate to your theme (if you have one -- i.e., a little Calexico if you’re serving Mexican), and personal. Important: turn the music on way before your guests arrive. It will put you in the mood. Better yet, turn music on every night. It couldn’t hurt. 4. Boy Scouts know. What do they know? Be prepared. Make in advance everything you possibly can, set the table the night before, clear a space in your coat closet, pack the freezer with ice. Not only will you be more relaxed the day of your event, it clears up a few hours to deal with the inevitable catastrophes that will befall you ten minutes before your guests are supposed to arrive. 5. Don’t clean. Once your guests arrive, stop cleaning. Don’t load the dishwasher while your friends are over. Don’t fastidiously clear dirty cocktail napkins and wipe down wet spots while everyone is trying to have fun. That’s a drag. Mind you, clear their plates if you’re having a sit-down dinner, but just pile them in the sink and then pour more wine. Even if everyone is sitting in that same messy kitchen, they will have more fun if their host isn’t doing dishes. 6. Potty talk. Screw a low-wattage bulb in the bathroom light, and light a scented candle before your guests arrive. Stash an extra roll of toilet paper somewhere even an idiot could find. Also, remove any intensely personal items from clear view (nobody wants to know which anti-psychotic medications you’re taking, or how you’re treating a hemorrhoid). 7. Have one drink. Pour yourself a drink before your guests arrive. Mind you, don’t get sloshed, don’t get tipsy ... don’t even feel a buzz. Just loosen up. 8. A toast for the sober guy! Don’t forget to offer something more interesting than tap water for the teetotalers. (Pellegrino or a fizzy juicy soda are way cooler than a two-liter of Fanta, btw.) 9. Pay attention. Instead of obsessing over the olive pits on the sideboard, notice the beautiful faces you’ve invited to your home. They are the reason you decided to do this, so just enjoy their company. Find out what they’re thinking about. What did they do last weekend? If someone seems shy, talk to them and introduce another friend. Notice if glasses are empty. Pass around the snacks if people are slow to dig in. Make everyone feel like you are so happy they are in your living room. 10. Fail with finesse. If you overcooked the meat, undercooked the carrots, and pushed the cork into the bottle, smile. Some of the greatest nights are the result of overcoming adversities like bizarre plates of food (I was once served what I swear was a dry-roasted onion, but the evening itself was lovely), crappy drinks (pulpy apple juice with whisky, anyone?), or no food at all. You are the captain of this ship. If the mutha is going down, let it go down in style. It’s just like the movie Titanic. Leo survived to actually become a legit actor. No one dies if your food sucks.