“I’m sorry, but we are going to have to let you go” is the most ubiquitous line uttered in America’s work places today. No, there aren’t any stats to back it up. But considering 11.6 million people are currently out of work, it’s reasonable to say many have been sent packing to the gut-wrenching tune of those cold eleven words. As the recession wades on, the event of getting laid off has become as universal as celebrating, say, a birthday. That’s what Hallmark bet on with their horrendously patronizing and tacky layoff-themed cards (which ironically the company may be sending out to its own employees). While there’s been much said about how to keep your cool in face of a pink slip, some human resources drones could use a refresher course in layoff etiquette when sending their staffers into the searing depths of daytime television. Consider four layoff horror stories where the delicate situation was handled rather ... poorly.

Special Delivery. Sports and NFL writer Jaymes Powell Jr. was three weeks into a month-long company-approved sick leave from the Raleigh News & Observer when he got word of his layoff by letter. How Emily Post. With the help of a lawyer, Powell managed to get his gig back -- or so he thought, until HR broke down exactly what they meant by "welcome back." Either Powell worked as a computer specialist or a night delivery truck driver, or agreed to a buyout. “Yeah, it’s hilarious now, but I was livid then. Writing is my life, and here I was contemplating being a paper boy to keep my health insurance.” If thousands of Americans are getting by with no health insurance, well, Powell figured he too could play Russian roulette with his health. So he took the buyout, but not before restraining his aunt from delivering a Björk-vs.-paparazzi beatdown to the deputy managing editor.

Going Down. “I felt like a powerless tool,” recalls a consultant when his supervisor and HR rep gave him the bad news in the company conference room. The meeting was brief and to the point, but the standard layoff announcement quickly turned ugly when he was asked to remove himself from the premises. No awkward goodbyes with co-workers, nor even a chance to grab his bag. In case he tried to make a beeline to his fifth-floor office, his supervisor drove the point home by also pressing the L button when they stepped into the elevator. When doors opened on five, his supervisor shook his hand, and then walked off into the employed sunset, while the consultant was thrown out into a cold March day, sans winter hat (it was at his desk). “I wish I could have told him that not letting me get my stuff was bullshit.” Instead he headed to the local dive bar to get hammered and contemplate more witty comebacks.

Search Warrant. Apparently, being awarded the opportunity to pack your own things after a layoff is not a right but a privilege. For one Condé Naster, packing up was hard to do. She may not have been asked to flee the premises by her boss following her layoff, but the cold stares from the rest of the staff were enough to send her bolting out empty-handed. She decided to return to the office the same night to clean out her space in private. Still no luck -- the office was buzzing with folks. “No one said a word, as if I was a leper and their positions would be eliminated too if they spoke to me.” Embarrassed, she left and returned the next night to finally pack her box and have it sent to her by a friendly co-worker. But not so fast: According to the office manager, she was not allowed to pack after work hours, so the HR department performed a thorough search of the box for contraband like business cards before shipping it off to her.

Welcome to America. Parisian graphic designer Stephane left the City of Lights when he secured a job at branding firm Method New York. After a rather drawn-out work visa process, Stephane and his wife finally arrived in New York, and he was set to start work the following month. However, Stephane would never even get a chance to step foot inside Method's offices. On what should have been his first day at work, his boss gave him the axe inside a Starbucks. Eleven days later, the company’s lawyer advises them to leave the country ASAP due to Stephane no longer having a work visa. Method would not even supply Stephane with the necessary paperwork to prove he had been hired and then let go in case immigration came knocking. With deportation looming over their heads, the couple returned to Paris. Stephane is still trying to get paid for some freelance work he did for the company’s London office back in September 2008.