My momma always told me I should put on a suit and tie, get a job, and stop taking bong hits with my Cheerios in the morning. I never listened -- and now look at me (I haphazardly type this, shoeless and penniless, from a dingy cybercafe in Ciudad del Este, Paraguay, and my prospects don't seem to be brightening, but I digress). At 32 years of age, it is far too late for me and my tie-less ways. Wall Street, Main Street, and several other prominent paved streets sadly passed me by without my learning how to tie a cravat. On the flipside, there are plenty of highly motivated people with stories of great tie-related success. And luckily for tie-strapped folks such as myself, they would like to bestow their suit-and tie-related winning ways on those less fortunate. That's precisely where nonprofit org Career Gear comes in.

Starting June 5, they'll begin auctioning off the autographed ties of celebs like Jack Nicholson (wrinkled yet oddly studly ties), Kevin Spacey (who must have a great tie closet), Eric Bana (Vegemite-stained ties) Patrick Dempsey (Sexiest Tie Alive?) Sean Avery (pugnacious, fashionable, yet a bit of an asshole ties?) and Andre 3000 (fresh, dapper, Hot-lanta ties) to raise money and awareness for their mission:

to assist disadvantaged men build a career, gain confidence, become community leaders and start a future for themselves and their families. The men Career Gear serves come from all walks-of-life, but are disconnected for one reason or another -- and the gift of a suit and a tie can literally transform how they see themselves.

As you can tell, it's a nifty cause, and you'll get a sharp, actual celeb-worn tie, which I'm told are great conversation starters at both the office water cooler or when cashing your unemployment checks.