One thing I love about Los Angeles is that everyone comes here, and I don't have to go anywhere -- they come to me. Case in point: Joey Arias, the drag diva who first made a splash in New York's underground drag scene and then went on to infamy at Cirque du Soleil's sexytime Zumanity in Las Vegas, is here in town. I can go see him without jumping on a 3,000-mile (or 250-mile) flight for the next few weeks, in "Arias with a Twist." The name stems from the collaboration with Basil Twist, a puppeteer who conjured the fantastical set that Mr. Arias performs on.

When I walked into Book Soup on Sunset Boulevard for Mary Forbserg Weiland’s book reading on Monday night, it was immediately clear this was not your average book party. For one thing, there was an inordinate number of extremely tall, extremely beautiful, extremely well-dressed women in a crowded indie book store. That would be because the author was also a model. Then, there was the presence of a genuine rock star or two ... Dave Navarro (If I really have to tell you -- Red Hot Chili Peppers, Jane’s Addiction, yadda yadda yadda), and Dave Kushner of Velvet Revolver. A writer version of a rock star, Cameron Crowe, was also there, and yes, we stammered something stupid to him. The reason for all the celebrity fanfare? You might recognize her last name: she was married to Scott Weiland, the lead singer of Velvet Revolver and Stone Temple Pilots. Her friends in high places came to support her debut book, a memoir about her drug addiction and mental illness, co-written with Vanity Fair writer/editor Larkin Warren.

Jackie Beat is one of those performers, writers, know-it-alls who should be more famous than she is. “Her” (she’s not a real lady) talent is a testament to the cruelty of Hollywood, a flawed system which rewards dumb and empty vessels like Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt merely for existing, and allows bad scripts (nearly everything currently playing at your local cinema) to be made into movies for millions of dollars. When my friend and I walked out of “Whatever Happened to Busty Jane,” a dark-and-twisted comic send up of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane, we had just finished laughing nonstop for two hours. I said to my friend, "Wouldn’t it be nice if Jackie Beat was writing Saturday Night Live skits?” Sadly, we both agreed that it would probably never happen because she’s too good, too smart, and too funny for mainstream America.

The Lucent Dossier performance troupe is back. After taking a hiatus from its year-long residency at the faux-speakeasy to end all speakeasies (The Edison), the Burning Man-inspired collective is heading to H. Wood, which struck me as an unusual and possibly provocative pairing. H. Wood is where the short-lived but fabulous Diamond Dogs party was held -- and it’s essentially a remnant of a strip mall refashioned in a nightclub by Amanda Demme. We talked to Lucent founder Dream Rockwell yesterday. In the midst of prepping for the big night tonight, she told us about how H. Wood’s much more modern and minimal decor will affect their performances.

Whenever they are asked, New Yorkers will famously say how much they hate L.A.. Funny thing about that -- for a group of people who seem to loathe our sunny climes, they sure are here a lot. Friday, New York glam rock group Semi Precious Weapons comes to La La Land, graciously hosted by none other than Perez Hilton, Queen of All Media, who has decided to channel some of his energy into music. The band, voted Best New York Band by Village Voice readers, may be a little too glittery and shiny for New Yorkers. With his raccoon guyliner and teased bleached blonde hair, singer Justin Tranter seems like he was airlifted from the Sunset Strip circa 1987. So it's perfect that the New York band is playing with Evil Beaver, Gorgeous Got a Gun, Chris Pickering, and DJs Jamie Scrap and Lady Starlight. Friday, 8pm @ Viper Room.

It’s the classic scenario that you always hear about but hope never happens to you. You have an unorthodox, creative job that makes it hard to afford real health insurance -- or if you do have health insurance and get into a serious accident, you might be in just as big of a pinch. That’s the scenario that Laura Masura finds herself in. Luckily, she’s got big friends in high places, namely Billy Corgan and the Smashing Pumpkins. Corgan and his other band, The Backwards Clock Society, are headlining a benefit show on Sunday for Masura at Echoplex. (The band also includes Kerry Brown of Ancient Chinese Secrets and Mark Tulin of the Electric Prunes.) Additional performers include The Happy Stars (Brian Young from Fountains of Wayne), The Pulsars, Tim Rutili (Red Red Meat, Califone), Pity Party and Light FM. If you're a Pumpkins obsessive, a couple of goodies are being auctioned off, including Jimmy Chamberlin’s autographed drum kit used in Gish, and one of Corgan’s bass guitars. But how does one get Billy Corgan to play one's benefit show?

When I was a mere clubbing pup at the age of 19, I was living in Seattle and going out to my first nightclubs. Among them was the Weathered Wall, a very early 90s bordello-styled venue that had been around for a while in various formations but was made more exciting by a simple twist: instead of entering through the front door like you were meant to, you went through the back alley, which gave the party a feeling of danger and uncertainty. What were we doing in this seedy back alley? What sort of world was awaiting us inside? 
I found out later, after I moved to New York, that my friends who threw that party, called Lemon Twist, had ripped off this time-honored trick from New York City promoters. It’s an easy way to enliven a space that otherwise might seem like any old bar. It’s something the people behind the Doheny, one of several downtown “private” speakeasy-type bars have figured out. When we went to see KCRW DJ Dan Wilcox during one of his bi-weekly gigs, the only way we were alerted to the presence of the bar was a simple street sign: a key pointing in one direction that said “Private.”

Donovan Leitch is the master of themed music nights. First we had a John Hughes tribute; now, there’s the Soft Club. How soft, you ask? There’s a cuddly muppet on one of the flyers, and an old People magazine cover with Tatum O’Neal and Kristy McNichol. That’s how soft. The concept for the bi-weekly party‚ thrown with Frankie Inglese at the Palihouse, is 70s easy listening. Think John Denver, Sonny Bono, and Captain & Tennille. (Dare we dream about Air Supply? We do.) The party actually has old roots, going back to 1997 at NYC’s Moomba club, when Leitch paired up with Russell Steinberg (nee Johnny Favyva) for a similar party. Not strictly relegated to the 70s, the theme is simple: “Long ago and so far away.”

Funny thing about living in Los Angeles instead of a more urban city like Seattle or New York: People live in actual houses, not brownstones, or tenements, or apartments squished on top of each other. It's basically, as Dorothy Parker said, "72 suburbs in search of a city." This means that Halloween feels more like the holiday of your youth. Kids trick or treat on the street, not within your apartment building halls (I always felt so sad for the New York kids who were robbed of that fun experience). The other thing that's different about L.A. during Halloween? The haunted houses. Sure, there's the average amateur spook shop, with bad special effects and bad lighting, mostly aimed at giving little kids a cheap thrill. But we've got Hollywood here, and the many thousands of people who are employed by Hollywood, who work behind the scenes in the movie industry and who can create haunted houses that are far more advanced and eerie than anything you're likely to see elsewhere.

One of the best events this weekend is hosted by everyone's favorite community radio station, KCRW. Masquerade is a full-out costume ball and dance party at the Park Plaza downtown, with a headliner that will make your head spin: DJ Shadow (whoa! that's a name we haven't heard in a loooong time). In addition to the mixmaster, you've got Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, Sweden’s Little Dragon, and LA’s own Sea Wolf. If you're getting hungry for something that's not vampire blood, there's gonna be a food truck orgy -- Kogi, Border Grill, Coolhaus, and Sprinklesmobile! A lot of the KCRW jocks will be on hand, including Raul Ghoul Campos, Anne Elvira Litt, Dan Blood Sucker Wilcox, and music director Jason Nosferatu Bentley (cute Halloweeny names, guys). We talked to Jason Nosferatu Bentley about his upcoming one-year anniversary as the head of the station, as well all things L.A. Have you ever heard of Castle Heights Road? Us, neither.