● "The Snooki ball drop isn't going to happen in Times Square," says someone who knows. Hopefully all the children of the world will stop crying over this by midnight. [Popeater] ● Kelly Osbourne found out on Christmas that her ex-fiance Luke Worrall was cheating on her, so she called him a "piece of shit" and much more in a Twitter rant. [Us Weekly] ● Kim Kardashian filmed a secret music video with Kanye West and director Hype Williams for her upcoming single, which -- for some reason -- is legitimately exciting. [TMZ]

● Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis was married last month to Christina McLarty, who has apparently already walked out on the sleazeball. Hate to say we told you so, said everyone who knows her. [Radar] ● Agathe von Trapp, whose family inspired The Sound of Music, has died at the age of 97. Imagine the musical number at that funeral. [HuffPo] ● Chuck Norris passes out in a Czech television ad. Don't ask. [WSJ]