In matters of romance, we must turn to true-and-trusted bibles like Pride & Prejudice to determine the course of relationships wherein one-half of the couple is clearly operating on motive while the other may be hungrily eyeing a green card. P&P's signature maxim, "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife," rings especially true here. In this world, few have greater fortunes than Madonna. And few besides Jesus Luz are readily available for subjugation by such a well-connected megalomaniac. So where to go from here? Marriage! The Ciccone-Luz matrimonial process has already started, with the couple plotting a trip to visit Luz's parents.

It isn't known if this is the couple's first visit to see the parents since the initial abduction. However, it's also a truth universally acknowledged that one of the critical first steps towards full-fledged matrimony is a tapas-and-sangria meet-and-greet with the parents. A friend of Luz's friends (one of the Marys, perhaps?) reveals, "[Madonna] is slightly on edge. But an engagement could be on the cards." Although Luz would be well-advised to take a step back and soak in the horrors of Madonna's most recent stab at wedded bliss. Perhaps he thinks that by being chuckled next to daughter Lourdes in Madonna's budget video for her last single, Luz has become part of the Ciccone clan. However he'd be well-advised to revisit the Swept Away fall-out which found Guy Ritchie directing Madonna and everyone else walking out of the theater just minutes into the feature.