Y'know with Mercury being in retrograde, it makes sense that we've found new villains and new pieces of exquisite musicianship to hold dear to our hearts. It also makes sense that other imminent car-crashes have slowed their collision course. Naturally I refer to Lindsay Lohan. The "Rumors" hitmaker and sometime actress was tagged to sub in for Nicole Scherzinger to host three days of concerts at Singapore's Grand Prix. Gushes the star, last seen glassy-eyed with Taylor Momsen, "I like to drive. I like cars. I like fast cars." Slow down, LiLo. Slow. It. Down.

But thrill-seeker Lohan is crediting her love for fast cars to that one time she starred in Herbie: Fully Loaded. "I studied NASCAR for almost a year for Herbie. It was very hot inside those cars." Speed may also help the next time she's trying to elude capture as Hollywood's main maenad Madonna chases her down. Recently Lohan was denied entry into some party last week being held by Ms. Ciccone. Her security team was under strict directions not to let Lohan in, no matter how many Scooby snacks she dangled in front of their snouts.

It appears that Madonna was snubbed by fashion house Emanuel Ungaro. They instead opted to go with Lohan as their artistic director. This appointment also placed her also ahead of former bestie Paris Hilton. This really upsets the holy balance of Hollywood, which should embrace the everlasting immortality of Madonna over Lohan's rapidly-fading youth.

Lohan's Singaporean hosting duties will see her presiding over performances by Beyoncé, Black Eyed Peas, No Doubt, and a bunch of 80s acts. Considering how strict their punishments are against minor infractions, fingers crossed Lohan has sense enough not to traipse around pantsless as she skips down to Lucky Plaza.