Because, in light of obnoxious news outlets needing to declare, in 100-point, bold typeface, that Another 663,000 jobs lost in March in U.S., we're going to need some good news (and maybe a spirited demonstration too) to keep us from going off to the deep end (at least those of us who aren't already treading there), I say thanks to the Malawi government. Thanks Malawi, for being a friend, Your heart is true. You're a pal and a confidante. But mostly, it's just a relief to see that, yes, you do exercise a modicum of discretion about handing over unwitting babies to eccentric nutters from abroad. In a move that makes Madonna's pre-adoption party look premature, the Malawi government has blocked her adoption bid.

It's not that they think she'll imprint her Twilight-ish tendencies onto her would-be bundle of joy. It's just that there's a pesky little law that mandates an 18-month residency in the little republic before finalizing all adoptions. Us common folk would have to abide by such technicalities, but Madonna got a clean break from it with David Banda.

Sadly, no such luck with little Chifundo Mercy James. Exclaims she through court papers, "To deny Chifundo James the opportunity to be adopted by me could expose her to hardship and emotional trauma which is otherwise avoidable." Clearly Rocco botched up this particular copywriting assignment. The statement was meant to read, "To allow Chifundo James the opportunity to be adopted by me could expose her to hardship and emotional trauma which is otherwise avoidable." But these things get lost in translation.

Remember that time when she used to make headlines for singing pop music? Nah, me neither. But apparently she's trying to do that too with a third greatest hits package. Bon chance, Madge!