Days ago, Meghan McCain surfaced from her father's floral-curtained Republican stronghold, flailing her arms and shrieking, "I have lots of gay friends!" Make no mistake: She's not a batty old fag hag who's been spurned by the only remaining gay left in her flock since that election fiasco of last year. Although looking at a typical bad hair day, you could surmise as much. On the contrary, her gaggle (inexplicably) continues to stand behind her. And they do the darnedest things! Like read Pitchfork and fix people's weaves! They probably love a good depression, too. More recently, Meghan did a dog-and-pony show over at The Daily Beast about how it's okay for folks to get gay-married! And with such a take-charge maverick at the wheel, both Miley Cyrus and Heidi Montag have decided that now, more than ever, it's important that gay marriage wins over some serious supporters.

In what may be the most backhanded diss to the same people she's looking to win over, Montag tweeted, "God says in the Bible that we should love our neighbor and he created us all as equals. I know in my heart that gays and lesbians should have the same government rights that Spencer and I will when we get married. So, yes, this blonde Christian believes in gay marriage." Apparently last year's dry run didn't take for Speidi. Cyrus, widely known for her tolerance for people who are not like her, seconded Montag's tweet, adding, "wow heidi is smart!!! shes amazing :)" So eloquent.

And really, as lovely as it is that we have John McCain's daughter -- a confused-looking girl who got lost on her way to the all-you-can-eat crab shack by the boardwalk -- and the daughter of some washed-up country singer rallying for gays to be married, wouldn't all their proclamations have made more sense last year? Specifically if they came out against that whole nasty Prop. 8? Probably! Their appeal to nubile tweens -- by far the most influential force in our nation -- and by proxy, their similarly nubile parents would've ended up swaying the conscience of the same people who now, since the passage of that blasted proposal, are bandying on about an impending storm.

But let's say McCain and her fellow celebutards had successfully blocked Prop. 8 with their featherweight outbursts so many months ago. What would've happened is this: Beloved wicked witch Sarah Palin would've choppered in from Alaska and done away with the sinful gay-makers anyway. And then here we'd be, months later, somber and grieving. Without our Pitchfork-loving hairstylists and the insipid blondes who love them enough to fight for their rights -- but only long after her father's contradicting interests have been served.