Even when you try to go a few days without taking a swipe at Her Madgesty, she baits you, daring you to bare your teeth. Fine. I'll bite. Recently attending a New York gay bar for her trainer's birthday party (Liz Rosenberg says The Ritz, although it very well could've been The Cock -- Liz has a crafty way with PR, you know), Madonna and her new Brazilian boo were having a merry old time, knocking back stiff mojitos and regaling everyone with the steamy intimacies of their love life. That is, until the DJ queued up "Toxic" by Britney Spears. At that exact moment, there was a deafening thunderclap. Madonna issued an earsplitting shriek, her blond ringlets turned into flailing snakes, and she stormed upstairs, grabbing Jesus Luz by the scruff.

In an act of defiance against the DJ's insistence to let "Toxic" play without interruption, Madonna pinned down her boytoy and proceeded to aggressively make out with him. Confirms Christopher Ciccone an onlooker, "The pair later slipped out the back door and into an idling SUV." Well so much for Madonna's Green, GOOPy tendencies. And what about those faint whispers of Madonna joining Britney on-stage as part of her tour? That's immaterial, girl.