State flags aren’t around that much anymore. It’s all either Country Flags of Sports Team Flags, nowadays. For some of our states it’s too bad, because they were amazing symbols of pride to be waved around in support of that swath of land that was somehow different from other swaths of land. For some states it’s a good thing their flags wave no more, those flags being sad, outdated attempts at pride, only to fail miserably as an awkward combination of confusion and disgust. But that isn't always the case. So, which category is your state flag in?

The Best 3 State Flags, in Backwards Order!

3. Oklahoma: This flag looks like the cover of a comic book. It’s so stylized, a great drawing honoring the Native Americans. Yes, we wiped them out and raped their land, but let’s not ignore our past. This flag represents more than 60 groups and their Native American heritage. I don’t see that exactly--it's actually is a bit stereotypical at first glance. But on closer inspection this flag has a cool dichotomy thing going on. There’s a battle shield adorned with plucked Eagle feathers, covered with a peace pipe and an olive branch. I get it Oklahoma, we have to find the balance, we have to remember our history both good and bad, and you should write your state name big and bold so nobody forgets which state this flag belongs to. OKLAHOMA!

2. California: The California state flag looks like a bear just walked into the picture mid-flag creation. The bear is even looking out at the “viewer” with disdain like, ‘Yeah, I’m a giant dangerous bear. Look out, fucker.’ He’s got the strength and power of Vin Diesel, so yeah, California. It’s simple, but bold, like Heidi Montag (California again). I’m scared yet intrigued, which is the key to any intense relationship (in this case between me and the flag). They added a little color, a red star and a red stripe, keeping it far enough away form the bear that it doesn’t scare him away, or force him to attack. They put the name of their state on it and added Republic to give some street cred and make it sound old school. But the reason this flag is so interesting, is the fact that it’s all a giant mistake. True story: Immediately following a strategic victory over the Mexicans, the flag was quickly made to be raised over the newly acquired Sonoma Plaza. The Californian leader Captain Jebediah Bartlett wanted the flag to symbolize his state’s agricultural beauty and told them the flag must prominently feature the fruit he grew himself, a pear. Which was misheard. Resulting in a bear. Of course, Bartlett's afair with the pear continued, which is why we now have the delicious Bartlett Pear. Or Bear, as I call it.

1. Virginia: While most flags have majestic eagles, stars and inspiring words like freedom and unity, Virginia went the other way. Theirs is the only state flag with nudity. Front and center is a chick in a toga with her tit hanging out. Yes please. Not only is she free of body issues, she’s strong, too. She’s standing on top of a dude she just impaled with her trusty spear, and he's got two weapons. Chloe Moretz, anyone?. In Latin, underneath the picture is “Sic Semper Tyrannis,” which translates to “Death To Tyrants,” which means she totally hates Barack Obama. Not patriotic, but kind of awesome.

The Worst 3 Flags!

3. Washington: This is the most literal flag ever made. Looking at this flag, I am sure that Washington State has no sense of humor. I picture a couple old men in a room saying, “Well, our state is named Washington. Let’s put a picture of Washington on it.” They all nodded and agreed. Then one man spoke up, “What if people don’t know who it is, or why the picture is there?” The man nodded again. “Well, we’ll put words around the picture saying exactly what it is.” And they did. Then they all sat in silence for 35 minutes because they said they told their wives the meeting would end at 4:00 PM and it was only 3:25.

2. Maryland: Poor Maryland. Your flag is the worst. It’s like an 80s acid trip. Here’s how Wikipedia explains this flag, “This image shows a flag, a coat of arms, a seal or some other official insignia.” Some other official insignia? It’s like somebody at a scrap-booking convention cut up some shitty European soccer team logos and unevenly slapped them together. Then, this pathetic jumble of noise accidentally went into the wrong envelope and got submitted as the state flag. The people of Maryland, who apparently didn’t give a shit what their flag looked like, took it out of the envelope and ran it right up the flag pole, embarrassing the entire state for centuries to come.

1. Alabama: Is this is the best you could do, Alabama? A red “X,” andthat’s it? No seal? No date? No inspiring words, even in English? Not even one star? When you look at all fifty state flags next to each other, Alabama looks like it’s has been canceled and they just X’d out the flag until they could officially remove it. Did Alabama just forget to make a flag? Maybe they never submitted one so the congress just endowed them with "Generic Flag #001." The only thing that could make this flag worse is if it was racist, and it probably is.