It's with much hesitance that I lift this well-meaning moratorium on the d-word. It's pretty grim when a magazine bookends a year with Tom Cruise and John Mayer. It's also grim when it's a man-mag rifling through a shrinking readership for an even further shrinking demo (desperate straight men lacking self-awareness) but alas, someone must write and/or pretend to read features like Details' "Meet the Gay Douchebag." And a month after its Adam Lambert cover? Coincidence, that. I digress, though. Over the year, Details has had a few anomalous coverguys, finding distinguished marks in Jason Bateman, Clive Owen (pictured above), Matthew Fox, and Eric Bana (though it's not likely any of those fellas sold many issues) . Which makes the other two-thirds more problematic. Surely Hollywood isn't so dry on the Batemans and Owens of the world that we have to have John effing Mayer foisted on us? Most of the year in Details covers after the break.

JANUARY: TOM CRUISE

Why: Why not?

MARCH: KANYE WEST Why: This reason and this reason alone.

APRIL: ALEX RODRIGUEZ Why: Really, A. Rod? Sigh. Being the "other man" in Madonna's life when she tore the one she shared wedding vows with to beef jerky shreds? Classic d-bag behavior.

JUNE/JULY: BRADLEY COOPER Why: This is an innocent mix-up. But until Cooper stops taking roles in films and TV spots that typecast him as the everybag, we've got no reason to think otherwise.

SEPTEMBER: TOM BRADY Why: This isn't my opinion. It's the opinion of people who know a thing or two about sports. Also: This.

NOVEMBER: ADAM LAMBERT Why: As said, Details can catch you up to speed about last month's coverdude. In case you can't be bothered to pick up the mag while stopping in for a pack of Parliaments and emory boards, Lambert's provided some convincing evidence himself recently.

DECEMBER: JOHN MAYER Why: He admits as much himself.