This Mother's Day, I plan on having a large brunch with my mom, and afterward, nursing our collective food coma by watching this unfortunate-looking Bollywood flick, occasionally pointing out plot holes and fielding reproving glares from her because she only wants to watch it for the overwrought musical interludes and doesn't need my side commentary. Especially on the day that's all about her. But if my half-dozen daily calls home are anything, they're a testament to what this shady newspaper says about every mother being a celebrity to their children. True or not, thankfully, my mother is nothing like Joan Rivers -- even if I do sometimes resemble Melissa Rivers. Sorry, Mom! A digest of not graceful print-pillaging celebrity moms (and so, divas in their own right) after the break.

● Sure, she gave us the worst film of the year, but Jennifer Garner has still earned the rep of best celebrity mom. All together now: Aw! [OK!]

● Keep that "Aw!" going: GOOPy Gwyneth Paltrow is leasing a $28.5 million house near her mother, Blythe Danner, as she films Iron Man 2. [Boston Herald]

● Alright, you may stop your fawning now. It's business as usual as Madonna hires an English tutor for Brazilian lolito Jesus Luz. [Contactmusic.com]

● Meanwhile, Nadya Suleman plans to remove half her uterus this weekend. What this means: No more spawn! [New York Daily News]

● The media has found new bait! Kate Gosselin is now being heralded as the probable new model of motherhood. [The Baltimore Sun]

● Not to be outdone, Rielle Hunter continues her reign as the new face of homewreckers. [US Magazine]

● Anna Wintour (yes, yes, she once replicated) is a wee bit miffed that the biggest story from some small party she hosted consisting of Ritz crackers and a six-pack of Bud Lite is that whole Kiefer Sutherland thing. [New York]

● And finally, Beyoncé, who is like a mother to all of us who have had ears at one point or another in the last decade, may take a two-year break. How will we cope? [Digital Spy]