Recently, none other than pop impresario Beyoncé invited me over to her manse and hosted an invitation-only soft-topics panel [note: did not actually happen], wherein she explained the nuances of being a diva, most specifically noting how "Diva is a female version of a hustler." When I raised my hand and asked, "What do you hustle? Strange-looking sunglasses and freakum dresses?" she cracked her whip and shrieked, "Quiet down, child." Well, then. But through the course of this seemingly endless week, Beyoncé and her ilk did a number of things that divas tend to do.

● Congratulations on bending Malawi adoption rules to your will, Madge! Now strap that Kabbalah bracelet on the baby and lug her home. [AP]

● Paris Hilton has been spotted possibly re-enacting select scenes from Teeth with debonair footballer Cristiano Ronaldo. [Digital Spy]

● Sometimes reputed to frequent Burger King, Forbes covergirl Beyoncé does not want children. [Hollyscoop]

● You know what really grinds Carrie Prejean's gears? Do you even care anymore? [People]

● Rihanna and Chris Brown were at some sort of sporting event where men run all over the place trying to put a ball in a hole. They were separated by the vast acreage of the basketball court. Ah, the rigors of forbidden love! [TMZ]

● Or not! They got cozy later on. Sigh. [Gawker]

● Also, ladies, say hello to the newest champion in the women's lib moment: Sarah Palin! Not content with her part-time gig as an Alaskan governor, has secured a second gig picking fights with David Letterman over off-color jokes. [AP]

● Kylie Minogue's also got herself a new part-time gig: serving up some brewskies while temping as a barmaid. Missing: Sister Dannii for her usual shift. Sigh. [Daily Mail]

● Upstaged: Anne Hathaway, by a raccoon. [New York Post]