I can't keep up with who Taylor Swift is dating anymore because I exhausted that section of my brain—the one that pays attention to the fickle romantic couplings of people I don't know—back in middle school, when the girls "hooked up" (read: did not have sex) with a guy one week and then were caught holding hands with someone else at the skating rink the following Friday. Tiring, right?! All I wanted to do was sit at home and listen to showtunes and think confusing things about Paul Rudd in Clueless. Not much has changed, to be honest, but I can tell you one thing: this Taylor Swift gal is exhausting the hell out of me.
Wasn't she just dating that Kennedy kid? She bought a house or something? And got kicked out of a wedding because Kathie Lee Gifford was there because she's suddenly related to the Kennedys? WHO CAN KEEP UP? Anyway, now Taylor Swift is dating one of those shaggy-haired, skinny British boys in One Direction. Supposedly! They were spotted in the Central Park zoo and then were seen leaving the same hotel. SEPARATELY. I think we all know what that means!
So, what's the deal? Can we expect the first single on her next album to be called something like "I Like You (But Not As Much As You Like The Four Other Guys In Your Band)"? I just can't wait until she swears off dudes for, oh, a few weeks.
Follow Tyler Coates on Twitter.