I’ve always had this theory about MGMT: they suck. Or more specifically, they suck because they don’t aspire to be anything better than the status quo. Don’t get me wrong, I want to like them. They represent Brooklyn - where they’re based - to the world. They’re suing the President of France, which is awesome. And they are seen wearing sunglasses often. These are all reasons to like them. But why do I - along with hundreds of their fans at last night’s “hometown” show in Brooklyn’s Prospect Park - feel something just south of sheer ambivalence for them?

When the rapper Drake burst on the scene, I was skeptical. Being from Canada, I knew Drake as Aubrey Graham, the actor who played Jimmy on Degrassi Jr. High and ended up in a wheelchair after taking a bullet to the back. I didn’t think there was any way he could ever become a legitimate, respected rapper. But, when Kanye West directs your first music video, it becomes pretty undeniable. In the video for Drake’s song-of-summer contender “Best I Ever Had,” West does for slow motion what he did for auto-tune: makes it awesome. I know West fancies himself an innovator, but he’s totally cribbing from Baywatch here. 

So this is weird. A few weeks ago we published an interview with the mysterious Major Lazer, a Jamaican zombie slayer who may or may not be the creation of DJs Diplo and Switch. The interview was cryptic, and written in Lazer’s broken patois, making it hard to decipher. We thought that was the end of it. But today, I got a surprise e-mail from someone claiming to represent Lazer. It led me to a video recreation of my interview with Lazer, which was initially done via e-mail. Check it out after the jump. How they got that picture of me, I’ll never know. 

Now, gentle reader, you may be wondering, “Why even bother scraping together some low-rating bit of TV pus to honor shows that peaked three years ago or have always been kind of crappy?” And gentle reader, in that overlong query, you’ve got yourself a point. Some things we can already tell about this year’s Emmys: True Blood will never get the love it deserves; Weeds will be rewarded for turning in what’s so far been a lackluster fifth season; somehow CSI and Law & Order will sew up all the guest starring awards even if that one may actually deserve to go to Weeds, or more specifically to Jennifer Jason Leigh for her work as Bitchface; one of the Desperate Housewives will get a nomination for Best Actress nomination even though with the exception of Felicity Huffman, they’re no more talented than any of the girls on Gossip Girl; and Mad Men and Breaking Bad will be handed a grab-bag of nominations based on their performance at last year’s Emmys. But enough bad news. The silver lining on all this is that this year, Neil Patrick Harris could be pulling hosting duties. Swoon!

For most music makers and fans, the passing of MJ was a sad occasion to reflect on the talent, influence and life of a troubled, ground-breaking genius. Some artists, however, prefer to vent their grief through the prism of their own success. In August 2006, the usually reserved Moby branded Michael Jackson “the creepiest thing he’d ever seen...He (MJ) looks like Elizabeth Taylor hit by a truck. Does he know how terrifying he is? Does he know that kids have nightmares about him? It’s really scary.” That hadn’t stopped the Connecticut-bred Moby, of course, from remixing MJ’s classic “Beat It” track for the Ben Stiller comedy Zoolander in 2001. And it’s not stopping Moby from continuing to air his displeasure with the King of Pop, even after MJ’s untimely passing. Moby wrote in (via BlackBerry) to music industry guru Bob Lefsetz this week to let the music insiders who devour Lefsetz’ daily online musings that he’d be numero uno if not for MJ’s pesky death. Moby’s tasteful, mild-mannered diss, after the jump.

Tori Spelling, for all her time on this sinking planet, has done very little good. So before we tie her to rafters and gather to heckle her with beets for her ruinous contributions to the already-crumbling world of children’s literature, let’s fondly recall the good times. As few as they were. Like when she guested on Smallville as a non-journalist with a vicious mean streak. Or when she gave us a woefully short-lived, camptastic comedy in the vein of Curb Your Enthusiasm. 

Tuesday marked the 20th anniversary of the theatrical release of Spike Lee’s Do the Right Thing. In competition at the 89’ Cannes, it lost the Palm d’Or to Steven Soderbergh’s Sex, Lies and Videotape, owing at least in part to jury president Wim Wenders’ now famous opinion that the film’s hero, Mookie, was insufficiently heroic. Lee was incensed enough to suggest that Wenders “had better watch out ‘cause I’m waiting for his ass!” He even claimed to have a baseball bat with the director’s name on it.

● Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie duke it out yet again, this time for ‘Top Earning Actress.’ Who comes out on top? Jolie, yet again, who took home $27 million last year to Brad and the kids. [JustJared]
● For those who want to pay their respects to Michael Jackson a memorial service will be held at the Staples Center. [Yahoo]
● Last week Bradley Cooper was evidently dating Jennifer Aniston, this week he’s dating Renée Zellweger. Go Figure. [OKMagazine]

As Sgt. Donny “The Bear Jew” Donowitz in Quentin Tarantino’s upcoming WWII revisionist epic Inglorious Basterds, Eli Roth could quite possibly have the best role in movie history. He’s not the star, so the film’s success does not rest on his shoulders. He gets to act alongside Brad Pitt, which, for eye candy purposes, is awesome in its own right. He’s getting paid to spit Tarantino dialogue, notoriously some of the best in the biz. And, perhaps best of all, he gets to annihilate, exterminate, and eradicate, in the most violent ways possible, f**cking Nazis. We spoke to the Hostel director about bringing Quentin home for the holidays, mimicking Brad Pitt at Cannes, and the ‘holy shit’ factor that comes with being in a Tarantino movie.

Last week, America cried and cried and boy did she really just let those waterworks go, more than that time I sat through The Memory Keeper’s Daughter on Lifetime. But with reason, because with losses like this and this aren’t to be weathered easily independently, let alone together. And within hours of each other too. So how is America handling such grief?