On 2008's Tha Carter III -- the last album to go platinum in one week -- Lil Wayne raps briefly about a court date on "Mr. Carter," his collaboration with Jay-Z. "I heard somebody say judge, I'mma need a suit," Wayne jokes. Many saw the song as a symbolic torch passing, from the aging Sean Carter to the unstoppable Dwayne Carter -- the Greatest Rappers Alive. Today, the younger, more unpredictable and insolent of the pair was supposed to put on a suit and appear in front of a judge who would hand down his New York state prison sentence stemming from a gun possession charge -- instead it got pushed back to March 2 for oral surgery. Apparently, Rikers Island dentists can't handle mouths of platinum and diamonds.

We've previously covered Hip Hop sketch comedy duo Jeff and Eric Rosenthal's The Real, as the two surprisingly tall, Jewish white 20somethings have been tearing through hip hop's most laughable characters, cliches, stereotypes and neologisms for over two years now, often scoring the flesh-and-blood stars themselves (Clipse, Cam'Ron, Angie Martinez, Peter Rosenberg, Max B, Slaughterhouse, Nick Cannon, Elliot Wilson and even Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy). Yet, they went a little too strong for too long, and needed a break from a life of hip hop comedy, and decided to lay low for a minute. Now finished with their hiatus, they're back, and better than ever: their latest video lays the Kanye West-Taylor Swift saga to waste, taking a very loud, fairly unpopular side: Kanye's.

● In your totally unsubstantiated rumor of the day: Was Meg Ryan the reason Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins split? [Perez]
● If you should be unfortunate enough to find yourself in the hospital, at least now your ass won’t be hanging out of your gown. [BBC]
● Proving New York City has really become as lily-livered as all the “back in the day you could get mugged in Union Square if the rats didn’t get you first” olds say, public school gets canceled 24-hours in advance of possible blizzard. [Daily Intel]
● A Make-Out Mix for Valentine’s Day. Somehow it doesn’t include “Let’s Get It On,” but then it would've had be called the Having Sex on Valentine’s Day mix. [NPR]

Right now, the New Orleans Saints are knights in shining helmets—they can do no wrong. The whole country (save the state of Indiana) is in love with the fifty men who rescued an entire city's spirit from the brink. But they'd better be careful, because squandering all that goodwill is easier than they might think. Take Saints wide receiver Lance Moore for example, who was caught Sunday night at the Fontainebleau hotel celebrating the big win with a dude that makes the cast of Jersey Shore look like Rhodes scholars. The incident was caught by TMZ cameras, and upon seeing this overgrown gremlin, we couldn't help but wish the Colts had won, so that he wouldn't have had what was probably the best night of life.

In music, for every inspired-nutter like Lady Gaga, there are dozens of bland barnacles. None are blander than Taylor Swift. A blandspiration to all stork-faced country-pop crossovers, Swift is also a template for what privileged popstardom looks like: Girl with well-to-do family suspiciously surpasses more deserving superstars to collect awards for totally mediocre fare. This now puts Swift at the dead-center of a hurricane-caliber backlash! Whoooosh!

If you watched the Super Bowl on Sunday, you might have seen a spot for the U.S. Air Force Reserve. It was the one that made it look like being in the reserves mostly involved flying the big birds and, somewhat unaccountably, surfing. Playing underneath this frenetic, gee-whiz imagery was a song that sounded an awful lot like The White Stripes’ "Fell in Love With a Girl" if it’d been recorded by a much shittier band. Guess who’s pissed off about this?

American Idol is still a thing? Well, then! As the current season of Idol--allegedly Cowell's last--flails on, it's important that we, as people who lack anything meaningful to do on weeknights, comb each overlong episode for all subtext of acrimony between Cowell and new Idol guest DeGeneres we can find. Because they can't stand each other! And not in that playful big bro-hates-on-lil' sis way that Simon and Paula couldn't stand each other. According to insiders, from DeGeneres' first day, tensions were high, horns were locked and any number of other clichés you can think of to describe two people clashing. Yes, Howard Stern can't come soon enough to relieve Cowell of what has become a Brian Dunkleman-like existence as a thorn in Idol's side.

● Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will sue News of the World after the paper published allegations about the couple splitting. If they win and take over the paper, the pair will order staff to report exclusively on Jennifer Aniston's loneliness. [BBC]
● Highlights from Taylor Swift's tour rider: sunshine, puppies, rainbows and the blood of one-thousand babies. [ONTD]
● Rapper Nicki Minaj is offering a $50,000 reward to anyone who can locate her stuffed pink monkey, Oscar. [Idolator]

What’s a woman who wants to play football to do? Sit on the couch and cheer alongside the rest of couch potato nation? Join a touch football league? Suit up as a cheerleader? What if she could play some honest to God, full contact football, on television, in front of a crowd, for money—so long as she was willing to do so in her underwear? Well, if that’s the case, she just might play for the Lingerie Football League.

Love getting stoned, but wish it were more expensive? Are you and your manicure sick of rolling joints like some poor person? Does weed smoke hurt your delicate patrician throat? Have we got the thing for you!