I like being paddled. I never really thought I’d say this before. Is this wrong? Twisted? I’m not sure. But I do know, at the behest of a friend who strongly recommended it, I got paddled. And since then, I’ve been hooked. I’ve been getting paddled every morning since—and I’m that much happier for it.
My paddle is rounded, actually—with furry bristles, which makes it unique in its function. And it’s not as large as most paddles—probably no more than a foot long. I call it “My Goody” because it just makes me feel good. In fact, when I bought it, it said on the case that it’s 30 times more effective than other paddles. Whatever that means. The skin-to-paddle impact, initially, feels very rough. Your flesh just kind of tingles under its motion, and that tingling reverberates all throughout your body, making it definitely one of the more pleasurable ways to start the day.
For those of you who have never experimented with a paddle before, the best time to use it is right after a shower, when you’re really wet all over, and it’s freezing out and you’re thinking, “If I go outside like this, I’m actually going to drench my clothes.” Which is always pretty embarrassing, and hypothermic, really. Oddly enough, it manages to soak up all the wetness, which is really hard to explain (is it scientific? magic? a miracle?) but whatever it is, it manages to do it in a matter of minutes. And by the end of your session of aggressive paddling, you’re not wet anymore.
I try to explain my want for paddling to my friends, but when I show them “My Goody,” they scoff. Their eyes widen. They say things like, “Bonnie, that is the strangest looking thing ever” and “What is happening to you?” So I’ve started hiding it. Which is really a shame, because why should I feel ashamed of something that makes me feel good? And who cares if it looks weird. Elmo looks weird, but people love him nonetheless. So do earmuffs. People wear them.
Anyway, I’m standing by what I said before: I like being paddled. And no, I don’t care what people say or how “My Goody” looks, because life is too short and too long to worry about such things. So I’m going to let it go and just enjoy my paddle. My mornings with it. The happiness it brings me. And thank the heavens that the Goody QuikStyle Paddle Hair Brush exists. It’s like a towel and brush in one. So long, hair dryer.