● Caring father Michael Lohan vows to get Lindsay off those prescription drugs she’s been taking, so her acting career can finally get back on track. [Radar]
● Speaking of hot mess Lohans, Frances Bean Cobain has written an open letter to Ali Lohan urging her to “work her ass off,” ‘cause Lohan’s “idea of fame isn’t fame.” [Twitter]
● Jenny McCarthy is looking forward to dating “Curly,” as boyfriend Jim Carrey is in the midst of gaining 40 pounds to play him in the upcoming Three Stooges film. [Yahoo]

If we're in a position to spar over which soap made a larger dent on America's collective consciousness last night--the one about vamps or the one about suits--it means that we've finally settled into a new golden era of TV, one which looks auspiciously free of sitcom laugh tracks and Dick Wolf. But in any case, it seemed the decision to sit through the third season premiere of Mad Men was more of an endurance test that may not have lived up to its hype, than the edge-of-your-seat ohmygoddery that was True Blood last night. And last week, and the week before, and so on.

If you're weary of the filthy hedonism that True Blood's main maenad champions, Alan Ball has your number. And he has major designs for that and every other arc on the vampire soap. Although you can't totally despise a character whose actress states, "When someone offers you an entrance where you're standing in the middle of the road naked with a pig, you don't say no." Ball and the beautiful people of True Blood took to the nerdapalooza of Comic-Con this past weekend. But instead of calming the tempests in our hearts by dispensing a few juicy, spoilery crumbs, they stoked more fires. Thankfully, Ball was quick to dash half-vampire, half-human hybrids from ever spawning on the series. "You’re either all human or all vampire." This is terrible, terrible news for Kim Kardashian. But excellent news (plus a spoilery trailer) for the rest of us!

● Prince may have a little crush on Salma Hayek. His new song is named after her daughter Valentina; in it, he sings "Hey Valentina, tell your mama she should give me a call.” Smart man to go through the daughter first, except she can’t quite speak yet. [Spinner]
● Halle Berry looks a lot like Jennifer Lopez on the cover of the new Harper’s Bazaar. [JustJared]
● Did you notice Britney Spears' slimmer figure in those new Candies ads? That’s no diet; the signer called in the airbrush pros. [E&Sb]

Anna Paquin drinks blood -- diet blood. Just one day after wrapping her new vampire romance, True Blood, Paquin has come back into the light after months in the dark and has tales to tell. “There’s congealing blood, eye blood, dark blood, drinking blood. There’s a hundred kinds of blood,” she explains. Drinking blood? “The drinking blood is very corn syrupy,” she says, laughing. “They asked if I wanted sugar-free blood, and I said, Sure. But at six in the morning when it is freezing cold, you are covered in goo, and you are sucking on a prosthetic arm, you think, Maybe I should have said yes to the watermelon-flavored blood.”